King of the Monsters: Giant Robot All Out Attack!

Godzilla #8
“Titan Times Two!”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Synopsis
Godzilla versus Red Ronin, all out monster attack fest! Whoo!

Rolling Commentary
Page 3. Why do I want Godzilla to kill this robot so much? It’s probably not very healthy.

Page 4. Dumb, dumb, dumb. This is why children shouldn’t steal and try to use giant military robots to fight giant monsters.

Page 6. Honestly? I’d be surprised if Woo gets to keep his secret agent license after all this is over.

Page 7. I’m really learning to hate this kid.

Page 9. Wait, Commander Dugan, could you please restate what you said in panel 1 in a way that a.) is comprehendible and b.) is actually logical, rational, and intelligent?

Page 10. Yeah, you’re boned.

Page 12. This is pretty badass, right here.

Page 14. Dude, Red Ronin’s got built in Captain America capabilities too! Awesome! Although, he might want his shield to be a little bigger.

Page 16. Can we press charges against this kid for damaging federal property or something? I mean, shouldn’t the Japanese ambassador be at the pentagon or something, making multiple apologies? And hey, why didn’t Dr. Takiguchi or Tony Stark build in an override device to prevent all this?

Page 17. Yes. Sending Godzilla further into the main land is a good idea. Riiiight.

Post Mortem
Robot monster smash! Man, they just keep the violence and destruction a-comin' in this book, don’t they? After the Dr. Demonicus stuff these last couple of issues have really been back in top form. Huzzah!

Not enough monster battles take place in water. That was really cool stuff, ships getting toppled over, the harbor destroyed- I thought it was really cool and really well executed. Hurray Mister Trimpe!

We’re a third the way through. Now, what could Godzilla possibly destroy next time?

King of the Monsters #7

Godzilla #7
“Birth of a Warrior!”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
Godzilla is awake, he’s escaped, and he’s head towards some nuclear missiles. Shit.

Rolling Commentary
That’s a great cover and a great splash-page to boot. Awesome.

Page 2. You know, now that you mention it, keeping a bunch of 100 feet-high nuclear devices out in the open air of your “secret” missile installation was probably not the best of plans.

Page 3. Yeah, Woo. Way to be a crappy secret agent. James Bond would have been in her bed an hour ago!

Page 5. Wow, for I guy named “Woo” you really suck at charming the ladies. And how does Tamara instantly know this is all the kid’s fault? Oh well, at least Ronin looks cool.

Page 7. That must be a hell of an elevator system that robot has.

Page 9. Yay! Back to Godzilla! And of course Godzilla has a long reach! Do you see how big the bastard is?

Page 12. Man, I really hate it when annoying little children suddenly become the only possible way to save the day…

Page 13. Goddamn kids. Do you know how much property damage you’ve caused already?!?

Page 14. Jesus. Yes, let’s just randomly destroy a mountain without thinking about who or what may be living on or nearby it. Stupid, stupid child!

Pages 16 and 17. Mmmm…. 2 page spread with lots of pay off. Sweetness….

Post Mortem
How about that last two pages, huh? Totally worth the price of admission. I love it when this comic goes all out Godzilla rage on us. Which meant this issue was pretty rocktastic. However, I really hate when we have some child become responsible for saving the universe. It’s such a clichéd anime plot line… oy.

Great issue. But hey, we have a giant robot versus Godzilla thing going here, so I’m going to stop wasting time and jump into the next issue already.

King of the Monsters #6

Godzilla #6
“A Monster Enslaved!”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
SHIELD’s got a new Helicarrier specially designed to take down Godzilla, and they’re all set to use it.

Rolling Commentary
That’s a great cover, by the way.

Page 3. …I don’t think I’ve ever seen Godzilla sleep before. Huh. And while the new Helicarrier is actually pretty cool, I kind of miss the classic design.

Page 5. Now, be honest, guys. As cool as a giant samurai-shaped robot to fight Godzilla is, is that really the smartest and most efficient way to deal with him?

Page 6. Woo is a little non-committal here, isn’t he? I mean, he drops the whole lusting after Tamara thing real quickly.

Page 8. Four minutes? Wow. SHIELD has amazing response time, doesn’t it? Also, that’s not really a cigar Dugan is smoking, is it?

Page 11. Seriously, now that you’ve managed to actually capture Godzilla (no small feat), what the hell are you going to do with him? Medical experiments?

Page 12. Okay, I know that Godzilla’s cage is made out of super cool space age glass, but, uh… Do you guys want to maybe fortify things a bit more? And just how much is this stuff costing the taxpayers?

Page 14. Man that kid is stupid.

Page 15. Oh shit.

Page 16. “Belches”? And I said that see-through space age glass was the wrong way to go, didn’t I?

Page 17. Well, that was a brief capture, but a capture nonetheless.

Post Mortem
It’s not surprising that Godzilla got out, of course, but I can’t help but feel a big sense of “I’ve told you so!” I mean, come on, a hastily built cage made out of super plastic? Against Godzilla. Yeah. Right. Whatever.

Still, it is kind of fun to see them try. Shouldn’t SHIELD have kept a small amount of gas pumped into the cell, so as to slowly pull Godzilla out of it rather than have him wake up all at once? You’d think the top military scientists in the world would be able to figure that one out.

And now the 12-year-old child may or may not have control over the ultimate Anti-Godzilla machine of all time. A 12-year-old. What do you know- Moench knows his anime plotlines, doesn’t he?

King of the Monsters #5

Godzilla #5
“The Isle of Lost Monsters”
Doug Moench and Tom Sutton

Plot Synopsis
It’s Godzilla versus three other monsters created by Demonicus!

Rolling Commentary
That’s a pretty damn cool opening page. But why is Dugan convinced it’s an American base?

Page 3. Yay! SHIELD does something not-dumb! Huzzah!

Page 4. Godzilla’s going to beat them all, I hope you realize that.

Page 5. Demonicus is already looking like a bit of a racist twit. Dudes! Jones just dropped through a giant glass dome. Sweet. And how is Dugan going to get out of this one?

Page 6. Meh. Humans fighting isn’t nearly as cool to watch as monsters fighting.

Page 7. Man, spy villains are always so dumb…

Page 9. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb… but I guess he got his cosmic radiation, at least.

Page 11. He really is just down right stupid, isn’t he?

Page 13. Stop! Calling him! Black Man!

Page 14. Godzilla certainly seems to have a tender heart here. I’m not sure what to think of that.

Page 16. Godzilla Smash!

Post Mortem
Too much human fighting, not enough monster fighting. But otherwise, huzzah monster battles! I approve of the rampant destruction. I really do. But all the talk about how maybe Godzilla’s not such a bad guy seems a little… overdone. We get it, you know? We understand that. We don’t need to have it drilled into our head every single page.

Goddess, Dr. Demonicus is a little bitch, isn’t he? Man, I have a feeling we’re going to see his racist ass again, and I don’t care for him or his attitude. Maybe next time Godzilla will eat him. That would be funny.

And the Eskimos were rescued, which is a good thing. All in all, everyone ends up happy. Except for Demonicus. And he’s a jackass, so his opinions don’t count.

King of the Monsters #4

Godzilla #4
“Godzilla Versus Batragon!”
Doug Moench and Tom Sutton

Plot Synopsis
A mysterious monster attacks an oilrig, only to be itself attacked by Godzilla. What mysteries may be unearthed from this?

Rolling Commentary
Yay! Good old-fashioned monster brawl time!

Page 2. See Godzilla is a good guy! Sort of….

Page 3. Go, Godzilla, go!

Page 4. Demonicus? Whozeewha?

Page 5. North Atlantic? Shouldn’t we be in the Pacific?

Page 6. Racism might be affecting Dugan’s judgment? This comic is kind of deep, for a monster-destruction-fest.

Page 8. I’d say this is a rather bizarre turn of events, but have you guys seen some of those Toho movies? This is pretty much par for the course, really.

Page 10. Dead humans make Godzilla sad?

Page 11. Look kids! Someone actually recognized Godzilla! Awesome.

Page 14. Ahh yeah, it’s on now!

Page 16. Well. That was brief. Alas.

Post Mortem
Yay for monster fights! Even if it was a little brief, it was still fun. And it looks like we’re going to have an all out monster brawl next issue, which rocks. Demonicus has a great name, a gawdy costume, and absolutely no motivation that I can see. So he seems to me to be a perfect human villain for Godzilla.

Not much else to add. This book is still way more fun than it deserves to be. I love it so far.

King of the Monsters: Champions Making Fools of Themselves Issue!

Godzilla #3
“A Tale of Two Saviors”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
Godzilla apparently left his heart in San Francisco, but the Champions (*snicker*) are here to stop him from causing too much destruction. SHIELD shows up too, and are none too pleased about their meddling.

Rolling Commentary
Ugh. I hope the title has a point to it, because it’s not very good.

Page 2. I kind of like the idea that every time Godzilla destroys something it’s because he’s “curious”.

Page 3. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
You’re the heroes we all call
When the West Coast Avengers fall,
And the Defenders aren’t on the ball,
And the FF is all
Fighting aliens!
Champions!
Sorry, I just thought that the Champions might be less lame with a theme song I made up. I was wrong. Also, Hercules, stop hitting on Natasha. If you want to sleep with her, just ask. She’ll probably let you.
“Champscraft”?

Page 6. How is it that the news anchor doesn’t know what Godzilla is? He’s never seen the movies? He doesn’t know about the monster attacks in Japan that were referenced in the first issue? Was there a cover up or something?

Page 7. Well, Angel’s down. But Hercules is rocking it. Like an ex-Avenger should. Why is he hanging out with these guys? (I know Natasha’s an ex-Avenger too, but she really just belongs to SHIELD, I think)

Page 8. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
That was actually really cool, Hercules. But I bet Godzilla’s really pissed now. And I hope no one was in those buildings that just got crushed.

Page 9. Way to go, Herc. Now he’s really pissed off. Teehee, Dugan doesn’t know who the Champions are. Why does that satisfy me so much?

Page 10. Robby boy needs to stop being so vaguely cryptic.

Page 11. Clash of the Egos! I mean, seriously, “The West Coast is our turf”? Oy. Maybe if you guys would concentrate less on comparing sizes ands more on fighting the giant monster…

Page 12. Whee! The Golden Gate Bridge has been destroyed! So, naturally, the first thing that the Black Widow worries about is the ‘Champscraft’. *snicker*

Page 14. Yay! Hercules has realized that it’s dumb for SHIELD and his team to be pissing each other off!

Page 15. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
Damage the Helicarrier
Make Dugan even scarier
And the situation hairier
Champions!

Page 16. That’s a really cool splash page, I must admit. Even if the wistful-uncle-button-nose thing is a bit weird.

Page 17. No, actually, I’m with Dugan on this. The Helicarrier’s crash was totally all the Champions’ fault.

Post Mortem
Was this issue supposed to make me like the Champions more? Because it didn’t. But it did make me feel like they deserve all the crap I give them. Two members of the team never actually show up. Black Widow just stands there, then gets more worried about the family car than the hundreds of people dieing because of the giant monster attack. Angel flies around for a bit (Which is all Angel ever really did until he got “upgraded” by Apocalypse). Iceman manages to uses his powers stupidly (Hey Bobby! Why don’t you try freezing the Bay, trapping Godzilla in place? Hmm?). And while Hercules means well and gets off a few good shots, he’s not the brightest light in the sky, is he?

That being said, this issue was outrageously fun. That may just have been because I was making fun of the Champions so much (meh), but still, that was really fun. A lot more superheroy than the first two issues, but that’s okay. It’s a nice change, and since we are in the Marvel Universe, it makes sense to throw in super hero issues every now and then.

All that being said, that title needs to go. I guess I know why you guys called it that, but it’s still dumb. And unless you’re pinning Hercules and Dugan as opposing Christ figures, it needs to go.

King of the Monsters #2

Godzilla #2
“Thunder in the Darkness!”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
Godzilla makes his way to Seattle, but SHIELD’s ready with a whole new plan to stop him.

Rolling Commentary
Page 1. Apparently Godzilla just skipped over destroying the western seaboard of Canada and skipped right to the US. He must really hate Americans.

Page 2. I am not entire sure I am comfortable with the camera angle of Panel 3.

Page 4. I know I haven’t seen every Godzilla movie (yet), but who exactly are all of these guys Godzilla is fighting?

Page 8. Yes, I’m sure flying right by Godzilla’s face seemed like a good idea at the time.

Page 10. Topple the Space Needle. Come on. Do it.

Page 11. They blew up a power plant! Crazy!

Page 12. No, Godzilla! Don’t be distracted from our goal! Destroy the Needle!! Sigh. He’s not going to do it, is he?

Page 14. Come on, Godzilla, don’t fall for it!

Page 16. It’s a trap!

Page 17. Takiguchi’s grandson is vaguely cryptic, isn’t he?

Post Mortem
This issue was still really fun, and violently destructive. How did this book pass the comics code? It’s horrifically violent, really. Godzilla lit the Space Needle aflame! SHIELD agents dropped bombs on American soil and blew up a power plant!

I really love how gloriously destructive this series is right now. And the SHIELD stuff is just exciting enough to stay interesting without becoming horribly distracting while Godzilla breaks stuff. Moench isn’t trying to write From Hell here; he seems to understand his source material, and he knows what his target audience is here for. He’s keeping exposition and characterization of SHIELD officers down to a minimum. In most books, that would be annoying. But all we really care about here is Godzilla, so it works well.

And Moench is smart enough to work Godzilla into the Marvel Universe in a way that makes sense for both Godzilla and the rest of the universe. Fact is, Marvel characters, whether the Fantastic Four or the Avengers, have fought Godzilla-esque monsters plenty of times. But somehow Godzilla is convincingly scarier than Fin-Fang-Foom or the Googam, Son of Goom. Maybe its has to do with his inability to speak, maybe he’s just scary as hell because he’s Godzilla, but whatever it is, it works. Here’s to future success.

King of the Monsters! #1

Godzilla #1
“The Coming!”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
Toho Productions’ most famous monster comes to the Marvel Universe with panache!

Rolling Commentary
Page 1. You’ve got to admit: When you go see a Godzilla movie, you go to actually see Godzilla destroying stuff. Don’t you hate it when they spend 20 minutes wasting time on the human characters you don’t really care about before Godzilla even shows up? At least here we get started right away.

Page 2. Foolish Alaskan, haven’t you ever seen one of his movies? No one can escape Godzilla’s wrath!

Page 5. Godzilla is unleashing his inner eco-terrorist. Awesome. Take that, you American bastards!

Page 6. SHIELD vs. Godzilla. You know what? I don’t care what others say. This is quickly becoming my new favorite comic ever.

Page 9. Man, Godzilla is kicking SHIELD’s ass.

Page 10. Godzilla recap origin story a-go-go! Although that’s not quite how I remember it from the first movie…

Page 12. A prominent Japanese scientist with a grandson named ‘Robert’? Huh. That aside, it’s very nice to have a character suggesting that maybe just outright killing Godzilla isn’t the best of plans. And more anti-American sentiment! Awesome!

Page 15. You know, you can say that Woo and Dugan “antagonized” him by waving their arms around, but personally I prefer to think Godzilla was still pissed off at them for firing a laser beam at his face.

Page 16. Isn’t “Yuriko” a girl’s name? Meh.

Post-Mortem
That was wicked. I mean, it’s just an all out destruction-fest. Chaos! Rampant death! Setting the freaking Alaskan Oil Pipeline aflame! I mean, it’s just cool. I really hope this series keeps up the quality of this issue (I fear it won’t), because if it does, this will be one of the coolest books I’ve ever read.

I probably would be slightly less enthusiastic about the series if I was reading it in color though. I get the impression that Godzilla’s coloration is more than a little off. But alas, I’ll just ignore that here. This was a great issue, and an excellent way to start the series. Now the question is, what’s Tamara got in her case?

Strange Adventures and Apparitions Wrap Up

Jean Grey was dead. Scott Summers had quit the team. A young girl named Kitty Pryde had become the newest and youngest student at Xavier’s. And the X-Men had just been privy to a surprising and horrifying vision of the future, where mutants have become all but extinct. And that’s just the big stuff from last volume. So how did Volume 3 fair next to all that?

Well, it’s been fun. I guess. Essential X-Men 3 is nowhere near as satisfying as Volume 2, I have to say. And here’s why: It peaks too early, then doesn’t get interesting until the end. Now, I realize that this book was not originally conceived to be read as I’m reading it right now, but this definitely affects people reading the Essential Volumes. The absolute height of the book is “I, Magneto” (Issue 150), and it’s an extraordinarily good story. The problem becomes that after it, everything else pales in comparison. It’s not that later issues are necessarily bad, it’s just that they’re not nearly as good as #150.

Things pick up near the end, and I know from a historical standpoint that all the Brood stuff that’s happened is all set up for the main story arc in Volume Four. I mean! Uh, nothing bad will happen. Of course not. Yes…. Anyway, here’s the count down:

Uncanny X-Men #145
Uncanny X-Men #146
Uncanny X-Men #147
Uncanny X-Men #148
Uncanny X-Men #149
Uncanny X-Men #150
Uncanny X-Men Annual #5
Uncanny X-Men #151
Uncanny X-Men #152
Uncanny X-Men #153
Uncanny X-Men #154
Uncanny X-Men #155
Uncanny X-Men #156
Uncanny X-Men #157
Uncanny X-Men #158
Uncanny X-Men #159
Uncanny X-Men #160
Uncanny X-Men #161

Don’t worry, Volume Four is going to pick things up quite a bit. However, you’ll have to wait a bit! Because I don’t know about the rest of you, but after 75+ issues, I am all X-ed out for a bit. So we’re going to take a very short break from the X-stuff, and change gears to some of the most unusual and surprising comics ever. And, no, not Howard the Duck (though that’s a good idea too). Let’s just say one of the most famous “kings” is dropping by for our next review. We’re off to see the lizard…

Strange Adventures and Apparitions: Season Finale Time!

The Uncanny X-Men #161
“Gold Rush!”
Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Plot Synopsis
As Charles Xavier lies in a coma, he remembers his first meeting with Magneto and Gabrielle Haller, and the events that occurred surrounding their meeting.

Rolling Commentary
Ah, good, I was wondering how Charles was doing. You think the Brood might have something to do with all this?

Page 4. For those of you wondering why Scott is such a screwed up dick: Here it is.

Page 5. Professor Xavier Continued Origin Go! Magneto meets Charles! Alright, here we go now! I was hoping for more of this stuff.

Page 6. Wow, more people to know! Gabrielle Haller is another rather important character in the far future.

Page 7. I have to say, I’m amused by Charles doubting himself just a bit when it comes to whether or not he should wake Gabrielle up, then decides that no coma could possibly be as great as living life. This, referring to a woman trapped in a Nazi concentration camp for years, who then locked herself in her own head to escape the pain. Oy. I know Charles’ intentions are good, but jeez.

Page 9. Charles is a little less than subtle with the use of his powers here, isn’t he? And what was that? We’re fighting Nazis this issue?

Page 10. I applaud Charles for realizing what he’s doing is wrong, but still. Getting involved with a patient is never a good idea. Oh, and it’s unethical.

Page 12. Man, these Nazi guys are total dicks. And even if the bullet just grazed his head, why isn’t Charlie at least bleeding?

Page 13. Egad! Hydra! Oh crap.

Page 14. Baron Von Strucker. Ahh…. That takes me back. And Gabrielle Haller has led one of the most depressing lives in all the Marvel Universe, hasn’t she?

Page 16. “Where, Fritz?” They’re taught to converse like that on the battle field in Hydra School?

Page 18. I always enjoy it when Magneto rocks it out.

Page 19. That being said, Strucker is not dead, trust me.

Page 21. The fact that Charles and Illyana are left on Earth is going to be very, very important soon.

Post Mortem
That’s a great way to finish off a season, isn’t it? Hell, I couldn’t have done better myself. Everything seems all peachy-keene, then Wham! X-Men are all prisoners. Huzzah!

Also, let’s all give a warm round of applause to Dave Cockrum. This was his last issue as a permanent writer, so huzzah! He’s done a good job, and he never gets the appreciation he deserves.

Now then, onto the story. It’s nice to get back story info on Charles and Magneto, and this story will have major repercussions. It’s nice to have Charles and Magneto work together , and this will be a theme that comes into play often very soon. And we’ll see more of Gabby Haller eventually too. Plus, Hydra! Hail Hydra!

The obvious duality of Present-Charles and Past-Gabby’s situations could easily have come off as more than a little ham-fisted, but Claremont manages to keep everything from sinking under the weight of the story’s symbolism and tell an excellent story.

It’s good stuff. I enjoyed it.

Strange Adventures and Apparitions #160

The Uncanny X-Men #160
“Chutes and Ladders!”
Chris Claremont and Brent Anderson

Plot Synopsis
In the middle of a training exercise, Illyana wonders off, summoned by a mysterious voice. The X-Men try to track her down, but then things get… weird….

Rolling Commentary
Hey kids! It’s a new creepy weird hand guy watching the X-Men from some weird hidden camera. I thought D’Ken had the trademark on that one. Craziness!

Page 2. Did Illyana just get taller? Also, I’m pretty sure I know who the bad guy is. (ocsaleB)

Page 4. Let the record show that once again Storm is naked on panel. Is anyone keeping tally here?

Page 6. Whoa…. On panel groping of a minor, too. Oh my.

Page 7. Hah! I was right! Awesome.

Page 8. Didn’t this exact same thing happen last time we fought a super powered demon? (goes and checks Annual #4) Why yes. Yes it did.

Page 9. Nightcrawler’s clone really is exceptionally creepy, isn’t he?

Page 11. And Storm is in the buff once again. Twice in one issue, that’s a record, I think.

Page 13. Well I knew Wolverine couldn’t be dead…

Page 15. Wolverine rules.

Page 20. Does anyone else wish they’d stop telling us the X-Men won and start showing how they actually did it?

Page 22. Crazy. I guess time really does fly when you’re trapped in a dimensional prison with it’s own laws of temporal physics.

Page 23. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Post Mortem
Hey, wasn’t Charley taking a turn for the worst last issue? Or something? No, nobody? Hmm.

We’re on a real mystical kick here, aren’t we? Dracula last issue, Belasco this one, it’s crazy. Of course, most of the Dracula story arc’s consequences will be dealt with within a few months, while the Belasco stuff is going to be an issue for years. And Colossus is right. None of this would have happened if Charles had just left well enough alone. But alas.

Belasco is right scary, as is his little Limbo dimension. I know this doesn’t affect most people, but as someone who really enjoyed Universe X (and who read it before any of this stuff), it was really cool to see Nightcrawler taking on Belasco, considering all the stuff that is revealed in that book (I know it’s non-canon, but I can pretend, damnit!).

This was actually a really, really dark issue, much more so than the last one. This issue does all the mystical stuff right that last issue did wrong (although it did lack art by Bill Sienkiewicz, Brent Anderson’s stuff was still very, very good). It’s dark and creepy, but without being too over the top about it. While last issue was very enjoyable, it lacked the darkness that it should have had. This issue certainly doesn’t suffer for that. It’s good times. Despite, again, not focusing on what I personally feel the focus of the X-Men should be, I can’t knock it for being an excellent issue.

My only real quibble (other than ignoring Professor Xavier’s mild case of coma) is that due to size constraints, a couple of the fight scenes simply begin and finish, without any actual fighting. This has happened before, of course, but I just felt like it happened too often in this issue. But maybe it’s just me.

Strange Adventures and Apparitions #159

The Uncanny X-Men #159
“Night Screams!”
Chris Claremont and Bill Sienkiewicz

Plot Synopsis
Two words: Vampire. Storm.

Rolling Commentary
Bill Sienkiewicz? Goody, goody gum drops!

Page 2. Ummm… what’s going on?

Page 4. Why is Corsair still wearing his goddamn space pirate outfit?!?!?!?

Page 5. That’s a nasty cut, Storm….

Page 8. Yay for creepy cool vampire changing scenes.

Page 10. I like how Kitty is the only one to figure out what’s going on.

Page 11. Ah, good times. Maybe I should review the old Tomb of Dracula books sometime….

Page 12. Kitty Pryde, Vampire Hunter! Huh. Maybe she should have talked to her teammates first…

Page 16. It’s official. Wolverine doesn’t believe in Jesus. For the record.

Page 17. Wow. Kitty is really… gung-ho about this whole killing vampires thing, isn’t she?

Page 20. I guess Storm's better. Yay! This certainly won’t be a factor in an annual that will come out three months after this issue, no sir-ree.

Page 21. Dracula really is a sexist twit, isn’t he?

Post Mortem
I really shouldn’t like this issue. Dracula comes out of nowhere, apparently is in love with Storm, and kicks some ass. Kitty suddenly knows all about vampires and how to kill them. Storm gets magically cured at the end. Really, this issue is anything but a masterpiece.

But for some reason, I really think it works. Not in a serious way, more in a fun-filled adventure way. It’s ridiculous and over the top, but you know, so’s having Dracula being in the Marvel Universe. No, it doesn’t make all that much sense, but if it’s cool, who cares?

I really wish Kitty would find an outfit and stick with it, though. Does she just have these costumes hanging in her closet or something? Where do you find an Indiana Jones costume in under five minutes? Minor curiosity, is all.

The big, BIG plot hole in this episode is the actual biting itself. It happens off panel, and seemingly for no reason. Where and when did Dracula’s lust for Storm come from? It seems she wasn’t just picked at random, but you never see anything regarding his feelings for her earlier. It’s kind of peculiar.

I do enjoy that Claremont refuses to give the X-Men time to breathe, what with Charlie getting worse at the end…

Strange Adventures and Apparitions #158

The Uncanny X-Men #158
“The Life That Late I Led…”
Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Plot Synopsis
Fearful of the US Government’s increasing anti-mutant sentiments, the X-Men decide to remove their personal files from the Pentagon’s main databanks. But what’s Rogue doing there?

Rolling Commentary
Page 1. Apparently the Starjammers enter all rooms through a tumbling routine.

Page 3. Oh. I, ah, I guess the intergalactic crises is over. Off panel. *sigh* But hey, nice referencing in panel one.

Page 4. Yay for vague hints about Carol’s powers! And Moira’s back. Huzzah!

Page 6. Yeah, seriously, how are Wolverine’s claws supposed to cut through a telepathic link?

Page 7. Umm… okay, that was odd.

Page 9. God, Senator Kelly’s a dick. I mean, I know that that’s the point of his character, but still. And yes, Kitty, I’m totally sure that it’s absolutely that simple. Their technology is probably totally compatible with Terran computers and security walls.

Page 10. Honestly, Scott, why are you and Corsair dressed like that for the reunion between father and son after 15 years?

Page 12. Rogue just happens to be hanging out in the Pentagon? Also, I think this is Rogue’s first appearance in the X-Men.

Page 13. Rogue had a little thing for Wolverine from the beginning, didn’t she?

Page 15. Ohhhhh! That’s why she was in the Pentagon. Awesome.

Page 16. I though Nightcrawler had to see where he was going to- oh, you know what? Forget it. Full out X-Men super fast costume go!

Page 18. Don’t worry, Ms. Marvel fans! Carol’s not really dead.

Page 19. Told you.

Post Mortem
I kind of like this issue, as ridiculous as it sort of is. The opening was kind of slow, but it was cool to have Rogue kicking X-Men ass.

Is this the beginning of more anti-X-Men feelings in general in the book? Because it needs it, badly. I know I’m way more into that than any of the Star Wars stuff, which is influencing my thoughts here, but the X-Men aren’t the Justice League. They’re social outcasts, and they’re always at their best when they have to deal with that headfirst.

I find it ironic that in an issue advertised as having the “Brotherhood” of Mutants in it, the only two members who we see are both female. And now I almost want to hunt down those issues of Marvel Fanfare to see what’s up with Mystique and Carol. Alas, I don’ know if there’s an Essential of that.

Wait, did someone say Dracula?

Strange Adventures and Apparitions #157

The Uncanny X-Men #157
“Hide-‘N’-Seek!”
Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis
The Starjammers and X-Men are trapped in space, with just hours before Earth is ravaged! 10 bucks says the Earth won’t be destroyed.

Rolling Commentary
Page 2. Wouldn’t Wolverine’s claws popping out cause a drop of pressure in his spacesuit?

Page 4. Shouldn’t Cyclops’ CONCUSSION FORCE blasts shatter his helmet, not “focus” through it? It’s not heat vision, damnit! Why does no one ever remember that!

Page 5. Seriously, why is it that people keep using Storm as assistant in laboratory and medical facilities? She grew up as a street urchin and has little to no formal education and training. Why is she prepping Colossus for surgery!?!?! And why does the doctor/dragonfly/robot speak like master Yoda?

Page 7. Foreshadowing, anyone?

Page 9. What exactly are these “readings” the Brood is speaking of? Energy readings? Why would Wolverine give off peculiar energy readings?

Page 10. What the hell is she wearing? I swear, that girl has worse taste than Tucker Carlson.

Page 12. Yes. Now Nightcrawler sees the obvious plan from the obviously evil villain.

Page 14. Holy shit… Nightcrawler and Kitty’s plan is effective, but just downright creepy, isn’t it?

Page 17. Whoat! Imperial Guard versus Imperial Guard! Huzzah!

Page 18. Oh, Gladiator, proper comma use, please. People are reading your dialogue.

Page 21. Wow. Those must be some shields the Starjammer has…

Post Mortem
You know, a comrade of mine on Barbelith has this theory, that from a creator’s standpoint, Shadow Cat exists to fill the void left whenever Jean Grey dies. Whenever Jean is around, Kitty Pryde has a tendency to disappear into the background and be ignored by most writers. But when Jean (or Madelyne Pryor, to a lesser extent, more on her much later) disappears or ends up a corpse, Kitty comes to the forefront. And although I’m not entirely convinced, no issue before this one has been more evident of that.

You know, as some one who knows his X-Men history fairly well, I must say that Professor Xavier spends a lot of time either dead or in comfy comas. It’s like a vacation for him, I guess.

Ugh. This episode really dragged until the end for me. I don’t know. I know that Gladiator and his group got their asses handed to them, but I have to admit that it would have been nice to actually see the ass-whooping. Alas. And Kitty needs a hobby. Other than bad costumes.

Luckily, next issue is the Brotherhood of Mutants, on top of the galactic terror stuff. That should be fun!

Strange Adventures and Apparitions #156

The Uncanny X-Men #156
“Pursuit!”
Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis
The X-Men and the Starjammers race against the clock to rescue Lilandra and Professor Xavier before the Earth itself is destroyed!

Rolling Commentary
Page 3. You know, I really would think that in the Marvel Universe, alien spacecrafts arriving over New York wouldn’t really be very uncommon.

Page 5. Yay! Ch’od’s back!

Page 7. See, that Admiral guy is all kinds of asshole. I told you he was behind it all.

Page 9. Man, the Shi’ar royal family is just seeping with evil, isn’t it?

Page 10. Now for the full origin of Corsair!

Page 11. D’Ken’s an asshole.

Pages 13 and 14. SPACE WHALE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Page 15. Evil space whale controlled by the Brood, even! And you think Colossus is maybe a little pissed off?

Page 17. I totally want some of those shoes.

Page 19. Can Cyclops really tell Charles off like that?

Post Mortem
I can’t really figure out why, but for some reason this episode really just didn’t excite me at all. And it should have! Space Whale! Brood killing things! Secret origins! But I just couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’m just really tired or something, I’m honestly not sure.

The return of Ch’od makes me smile. And the pay off with the Admiral was good for me (even if his true intentions were super transparent to anyone who’s read enough comic books.) Yay for advancing the plot and stuff. It’s not a bad issue, I don’t think, I just wasn’t into it or something.