Sunday, June 11, 2006

New X-Men? Wrap Up Time

Well, there you have it, the first book of Essential X-Men is finished. It's starts off a little rocky, but does a good job of introducing the characters and concepts of the new series. The highlight of the book is obviously the Phoenix Saga, but that's not to say other moments aren't great, such as Magneto easilly beating all of the X-Men. Twice.

That being said, I'm still irritated about the leprechauns. I don't forgive that easilly, I'm afraid. Anyway, here's my quick reference index for the complete book, to make looking it up easier:

Giant Size X-Men #1!
X-Men #94
X-Men #95
X-Men #96
X-Men #97
X-Men #98
X-Men #99
X-Men #100
X-Men #101
X-Men #102
X-Men #103
X-Men #104
X-Men #105
X-Men #106
X-Men #107
X-Men #108
X-Men #109
X-Men #110
X-Men #111
X-Men #112
X-Men #113
X-Men #114
X-Men #115
X-Men #116
X-Men #117
X-Men #118
X-Men #119

That's a long list. Anyway! Next Essential Volume we have the real good stuff starting, as 3 of the X-Men's most acclaimed adventures are within it! I'm not telling you which. You can figure it out later. Anyway, 'til next time, seeya in the funny papers.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

New X-Men? #119 (Season Finale)

The Uncanny X-Men #119

“’Twas The Night Before Christmas…”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

The X-Men go toe to toe with Moses Magnum, to stop him from destroying Japan!

Rolling Commentary

Page 2. Man, look at that. Moses’ lackeys have cute little “M”s on their belt buckles.

This is just one more reason why Moses Magnum sucks bigtime.

Page 3. Gah. Seriously, does anyone like this guy? Anyone at all?

Page 4. Well, it’s good to know the Prime Minister would rather destroy his entire country than even attempt to negotiate with a super-powered terrorist. And how come everyone must refer to Misty Knight by her full name at all times? *Sigh* And look! Moses’ lackeys also get completely ridiculous hats! Stupid bastard…

Page 8. Oh, Colossus, don’t feel bad. Any other team member (’sides Wolverine of course, but that goes without saying) would be dead if they took that hit.

Page 12. Banshee brings the smackdown. Take that, Moses Magnum!

Page 16. It’s the return of Jamie Madrox! Yay! Oh, and Havok and Polaris, I guess.

Page 17: Oh god yes! It begins! Whooo! *ahem* Sorry.

Post Mortem

I don’t know why Moses Magnum wants control over Japan, but whatever. Banshee showed him a thing or too, so huzzah. And Colossus got to beat up Mandroids™. It’s good, that.

Also, I like that there’s now a team of X-Men in Japan and a team in Scotland, though they’ll both be joining forces pretty shortly. Jean still thinks Scott and Co. are dead. Xavier is off in space. Wolverine is starting to become likable. This is pretty cool right here.

Plus, the final page is such a great first appearance for what happens shortly (I’ll give you a hint. It’s SPOILERS “Suetorp” END SPOILERS !). An excellent wrap up from what’s gone before.

Thus concludes the first volume of the Essential X-Men. Next up: Things Get WORSE!!!

New X-Men? #118 (Japan-A-Go-Go)

The Uncanny X-Men #118

“The Submergence Of Japan!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

The X-Men reach Japan to find the city of Agarashima virtually destroyed. With Sunfire’s help they investigate the tragedy, but what’s really going on here?

Rolling Commentary

Pages 2 and 3. You ever notice that in comics horrific destruction of cities happens a lot more often in other countries than in America? Or is it just me?

Page 5. Everybody say it with me: Wolverine rules.

Page 8. I like how the sheer staggering number of coincidences leading up to this point is barely noticed. “What’s she doing here?” indeed.

Page 10. Logan and Mariko’s first meeting. This will prove of some importance later.

Page 13. Mandroids™! Oh my god, that is amazingly lame- I WANT ONE. I mean, those are some pretty tough looking battle suits, plus, lame name! Yay!

Page 16. Colossus, dude… that was pretty awesome.

Page 17. Moses Magnum!?! Oh Jesus Christ, we couldn’t have called the Smurfs or something? No villain is more irritating than Moses Magnum!

Post Mortem

Man, and I was really enjoying this issue until the last page, too! Moses freaking Magnum. He’s a self-important asshole who, while powerful, never does anything creative with his powers. Plus, he’s got, like, the single worst name for a supervillain ever. Gah.

Anyway, yay for the return of Sunfire! I knew he’d be back eventually, but it’s nice to see him here for the finale of “Season One”. Even though no one involved was even considering these Essential Volumes when they were originally created. Still, Sunfire! Yay! He’s probably in my top 10 favorite X-characters. Even if his personality is simply “jerk”.

So, is Misty Knight like the secret character of the mid to late seventies binding all the Marvel Universe together? She lives with Jean Grey (which I didn’t know until I read this book), she’s snogging Iron Fist (which I did know before), she’s working for the US government and she’s hip enough to bitch Sunfire around. Is she with SHIELD? I should probably look that up.

Also, it’s good to see Wolverine and Cyclops slowly starting to not completely hate each other. I like to assume that Professor Xavier knew all about Wolverine’s vast assortment of talents before he signed him up. Colossus was pretty hardcore there at the end too. Like I said, up to the last page this issue is good.

New X-Men? #117

The Uncanny X-Men #117

“Psi-War!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

Take a journey to Cairo for a very special episode of Young Charles Xavier!

Rolling Commentary

Page 3. Well, at least they’re out of this weather. Who wants to bet that they’ll meet Sunfire in Japan?

Page 9. Yay! It’s my favorite X-Men villain that no one else likes at all, the Shadow King! *Does a happy dance, then immediately stops before someone notices him*

Page 10. Wow. Young Professor Xavier is rather uncompromising, isn’t he? Interesting how he’ll change in the ten to fifteen years between then and now.

Page 12. It always comes down to sword fights, doesn’t it?

Page 16. Yes, Charles legs were really destroyed by an alien named Lucifer. I’m pretty sure that one is either Stan Lee or Jack Kirby’s fault.

Page 17. Wait, Misty is going to Japan? And where’s Jean going? Craziness.

Post Mortem

Professor Xavier Origin Story GO!

Okay warning here, there are big time SPOILERS here.

I love Shadow King (I know Farouk doesn’t call himself Shadow King yet, but still), and even though I knew how this first conflict between them ended up, it was pretty awesome to read it for the first real time. Now we just have to wait for his next appearance in… a long time. Sigh. He’ll be back.

Here endith the SPOILERS.

Yay for young Storm. Although how old is she supposed to be here? She’s tiny up next to Charles. Like, four year old tiny. Alas. Next up, X-Men Japan edition!

New X-Men? #116

The Uncanny X-Men #116

“To Save The Savage Land”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

As the X-Men go to confront Garokk the Petrified Man, half the team gets captured. Luckily, no one knows how to mount a rescue like Wolverine!

Rolling Commentary

I wonder if the X-Men notice those gigantic letters in the mountain face… And why exactly is it “thrice-damned”? Am I missing something?

Page 6: I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: Wolverine rules. And yay for Zabu! I always liked him more than Ka-Zar anyway.

Page 8. This may be the first time we hear about Wolverine’s super senses and healing factor. Awesome.

Page 13. Garokk is just all kinds of crazy, isn’t he? Plus, what’s up with him, anyway? Oh well.

Page 15. Don’t be sad, Storm, he was destroying the Savage Land. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’ll be back.

Post Mortem

I have no idea what Garokk’s deal really was, but whatever. The X-Men kicked his ass, awesome. I suppose I enjoyed this issue better than the second act of the last issue. Having Wolverine show off his powers for really the first time was fun to watch.

But seriously, what’s up with this Garokk dude? Is he really a god? Is he really a bazillion years old? Or is he just full of shit? I don’t know. And maybe if I had read that Ka-Zar series, I would (I doubt if it’s ever been reprinted). But alas, for now he’s just some crazy non-important X-Men villain.

Meh. Hey, don’t Jean and Professor X still think the rest of the team are dead? I hope that’s resolved next issue. (It won't be...)

New X-Men? #115

The Uncanny X-Men #115

“Visions of Death!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

The X-Men fight Sauron and delve deeper into some of the mysteries plaguing the Savage Land.

Rolling Commentary

Pages 2 and 3. I know I’m not a Byrne fan, generally, (especially anything he did after 1990) but I have to give the man props here (Inker Terry Austin as well). Sauron looks amazing here, really.

Page 9. How does Colossus going all metallic stop Sauron from absorbing his powers? No really, I want to know.

Page 10. Look kids, its Tarza- I mean, uh, Ka-Zar!

Page 13. Wow. I have no idea what’s going on here. Like, at all.

Page 16. I know that the alphabet translation from Slavic to romantic is sometimes a little rough, and my Russian even rougher, but I’m pretty sure that the pronunciation is “dos vidania”, not “do svidania”. (‘Dos’ has a longer “o” here, like “aw”. … This is pretty much the extent of my Russian knowledge.)

Page 17. Oh, come on, Ka-Zar! I totally want to see a Nightcrawler/Wolverine snowball fight.

Post Mortem

Hmm…. I’m gonna break this issue into two parts.

Part One: The fight with Sauron. Fun fight, hypnotized Wolverine, teamwork, it’s a good few pages. No complaints.

Part two: The remainder of the issue. Now maybe it’s because I simply don’t care much about Ka-Zar and Friends, but I couldn’t wait to get down with their little pow-wow. Now, I don’t know this for sure, but it seems that this story arc is trying to clean up some problems left by a cancelled series. Remember when Ka-Zar’s talking and the reference note tells us this happened in Ka-Zar #20? It is a fact of history that no Ka-Zar series has ever lasted particularly long. That’s not an attack on Ka-Zar fans, it’s a simple fact. If it makes you feel better, I’m big fan of Peter David’s Captain Marvel series, and it got cancelled within three years too. Twice, actually. So, it seems plausible that this Ka-Zar series they reference got cancelled mid-story arc, probably right at issue 20, honestly. Ka-Zar is left falling to his death or whatever, and this evil god thing is going to destroy the Savage Land or whatever, and Bam! Series cancelled.

Enter the now monthly X-Men, who have quite a history with the Savage Land. They show up here, we get told everything that happened earlier (odds are, lots of X-Men fans skipped that Ka-Zar series too), and now we’re all nicely set up for the real conclusion to the Ka-Zar series, minus all those dangling plot threads. Which is all well and good, except, again, I don’t really care. Go back to the Sauron fighting, or bring in the Savage Land Mutates or something. Alas. I’ll get over it.

Of course, if I’m completely off base and the Ka-Zar Series wasn’t cancelled early, well then… consider me simply bored by this stuff.

New X-Men? #114

The Uncanny X-Men #114

“Desolation”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

Don’t believe the cover, the X-Men aren’t really dead. They’re just trapped in the Savage Land. Which, now that I think about it, is almost the same thing.

Rolling Commentary

That’s a pretty badass splash page to start out with.

Page 5. As inexplicable as the X-Men’s rather impressive survival is, I actually want to bring something else up: I don’t get the savage land. Oh, I enjoy the Savage Land. I love dinosaurs, and I love the X-Men and dinosaurs put together. But there is simply no rational way to reconcile its existence with actual logic. Oh, I know it’s all crazy alien technology and such, but seriously… sigh. I guess I should just accept it on the basis that dinosaurs rock and stop questioning it.

Page 9. Sigh. Only Cyclops would bitch at Wolverine for saving another X-Man’s life by chopping up a gigantic carnivorous Pterosaur to bits.

Page 10. Look kids! It’s Beast! Wearing pants! A shirt, even. Wow!

Page 14. I know this is a serious moment, but who wants to bet the other half of that photo had Scott in it?

Page 16. I guess it’s a good thing the X-Men had time to put on their costumes here.

Post Mortem

Sauron’s back. Hmm. I’m not sure I feel about that. Sauron’s one of those villains that’s hard to get right. Plus he’s never made much sense to me, intellectually speaking. Okay, he needs to drain people’s life forces to survive, I get that. And when he drain’s a mutant (or any other metahuman, if I remember correctly) of their life force, he gains some powers… that I can follow. But why that means he turns into a pissed off pteranodon? That, I don’t get.

Still, visually, he can be one of the X-Men’s more interesting villains. And he certainly can be one of their bigger threats. When he takes out a team member (in this case Storm) he drains them, making them useless in battle and making him more powerful. And he’s great fun for Savage Land stories, I’ll grant that.

The majority of this issue is all character driven (that’s not a complaint) as part of the team deals with the “deaths” of the other part. I don’t know if Scott’s not grieving Jean’s death because he’s just a tool, or because he instinctively knows Jean’s still alive. I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

New X-Men? #113

Now On Sale Monthly! X-Men #113

“Showdown!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

The X-Men are completely immobilized and at Magneto’s whim. He probably should have killed them when he had the chance.

Rolling Commentary

Such a brilliant title. Anyway…

Page 2. Yay for Magneto causing chaos!!!

Page 11. I think this is the real beginning of Magneto’s distaste for Wolverine. How many other people have managed to rip into him like that?

That being said: Cyclops! Seriously! Stop with the metal mutants going at him full-speed-ahead!

Page 12. Oh. Maybe it’s not really entirely Cyclops’ fault after all. And that looks awfully painful to me, Nightcrawler.

Page 15. Way to go, team. Now you’re all going to die via Volcano. And Magneto’s still going to get away. Sucks to be you guys.

Post Mortem

Damn it Magneto. You have to kill them! No prisoners! They always escape and kick your ass afterwards!

Anyway. Storm proves that picking locks is a good thing. Colossus gets the upper hand, and Nightcrawler steals helmets. To bad Jean didn’t telepathically attack him then. But alas.

Fun issue. Good fun all around. Magneto issues are always good times, but these two were more fun than the last time we saw him. So, now that Phoenix and Beast are going to (not) freeze to death, and the rest of the team is going to (not) be engulfed in lava, what happens next?

New X-Men? #112

Now On Sale Monthly! X-Men #112

“Magneto Triumphant!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

Taken captive by Magneto, the X-Men are forced to fight for their lives against the Master of Magnetism! (It’s not going to go well)

Rolling Commentary

Look kids! A Perez cover! Awesome! Also, I personally find this month’s retitling humorous.

Page 3. Man, Magsy, I know you can turn just about anything into a flying car here, but seriously, you couldn’t have gotten something just a little more badass? And Wolverine: Dude. Magneto. Metal claws. Back away slowly.

Page 6- I know this sounds absurd, but Magneto is totally serious. The 60’s were filled with Magneto robots. Really.

Page 7. It’s nice of Magneto to be gentle removing Mesmero from the fight, isn’t it? Good for Mesmero that he’s a mutant, and that the only thing he did to anger Magneto was “be annoying.” He’d be very dead if he’d actually pissed him off.

Pages 8 and 9. I totally dig Magneto’s Ice Fortress. Screw Superman’s hidey-hole of Solitude, THIS is a fortress!

Page 10: Cyclops! Colossus! It’s Magneto! Stop throwing metal things at him you idiots! And too bad about Beast, huh?

Page 15. Well. In five pages Magneto has single handedly dispatched the entire team. Again. Sweet.

Post Mortem

Magneto rules.

This is a kick ass issue, all the way around. The fight seen goes exactly the way it would have to, with the only real threat to Magsy being Phoenix. And since Jean’s powers aren’t completely under her control here, well, Advantage: Magneto.

Also, the final torture scene- Good times. Too bad those X-bastards are going to escape next issue.

New X-Men? #111

All-New, All-Different X-Men #111

“Mindgames!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

The X-Men seem to have disappeared, and Dr. Henry McCoy is on the case! But when he tracks them down, he’s forced to ask, “Why have they joined the circus?”

Rolling Commentary

Ok, I know how this cover looks, but I’ve been promised that it’s not really Arcade. It’s Banshee. Really. They have the same haircut. So I don’t have to bitch about Arcade yet.

Page 2- I kind of like the “Gumshoe Beast” look.

Page 6- Oh, Hank… I know you’re going to wear them for the next twenty years, but you really should get out of those underpants and into a more suitable costume. Really.

Page7: Gah! Pissed off circus people! And Beast, I know you’re a “card-carrying Avenger”, but where exactly do you carry said card? Put on some pants, for god’s sake!

Page 10. Mesmero? Man, talk about a 60’s villain. I like his hat, though. Oh, and just so you know… that’s not a jumpsuit he’s wearing. It’s mostly just skin. Green skin, but skin none the less. It’s the battle over who has the better underpants, Beast vs. Mesmero!

Page 11: Wolverine rules.

Page 15. Where do they keep coming up with these costumes? Also, Storm was kind of harsh to the minions, wasn’t she? “Motherless scum”. Yikes. And the X-Men don’t believe in killing. Except Wolverine. And just for now, really. Give it a couple of years.

Page 17. Umm… shit monkeys. I would not fuck with Magneto right now, he looks pissed.

Post Mortem

You know, for an issue that I was initially worried about when I first saw the cover, that was pretty cool. Beast is always a fun character, and having him go solo for the first half of the book was cool. Wolverine proves more and more why he’s a great asset to the team. And Magneto, all awesome there at the end- you know shit's about to go down.

Wolverine seems to be the only one who understands the way Jean works, as opposed to how everyone things she should act. This is going to be another of those reoccurring themes in the book. Logan understands Jean much better than Scott can, but Jean spends a lot of time not realizing it. It also causes Scott problems. Scott will spend the next 25 years (in real time, anyway) trying to hold Jean up to how he imagines she should act, how he has always perceived her. He still thinks of her as the young, shy girl he first met, and has a lot of problems dealing with what she’s become.

All in all, a pretty fun issue.

New X-Men? #110

All-New, All-Different X-Men #110

“The ‘X’-Sanction!”

Chris Claremont and Tony DeZuniga

Synopsis

On Moira’s last day with the Institute, the X-Men enjoy a fun filled day of leisure. Until they get trapped fighting a loser named Warhawk who’s locked them in the Danger Room and set it to “Kill”.

Rolling Commentary

Page 2. I can’t help but think maybe the “House Rules” should include “No powers”. And why the hell do the X-Men feel a need to wear there costumes while playing a freakin’ baseball game?

Page 5, I wonder what’s up with this Warhawk dude. I honestly don’t know much about him.

Page 13. Having Wolverine say “Punk, you just made my day.” Just made my day. And isn’t Captain America actually “the Ultimate Soldier”? Not this loser? I mean he’s caught them off guard, but that’s about it here.

Page 17: Jean’s back full time! Yay!

Post Mortem

First off, a big shout out to fill in artist Tony DeZuniga, for his lovely work here. I could be mistaken, but I’m pretty sure that Mr. DeZuniga is the first Philipino to break into mainstream American comics. Hurray for the Philippines!

As for the issue itself, meh. Nothing much really happens. Someone mysterious is gunning for the X-Men. Again. Fair enough. Jeanie’s back. Wolverine is really starting to act like a member of the team (aside from the occasional mean spirited thought about Cyclops), and Storm is “outed” regarding her claustrophobia. Also, huzzah for the Danger Room going crazy!

So, nothing much to write home about, but kind of fun nonetheless. Oh, and Moira leaving for a while, I guess. And I thought Lilandra was in this book...

New X-Men? #109

All-New, All-Different X-Men #109

“Home Are The Heroes!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

After the madness that has been their lives ever since the Sentinels return, the X-Men take a nice, needed break. But when Weapon Alpha, an agent of the Canadian Government, comes looking to bring Wolverine back home, things get ugly.

Rolling Commentary

Huh. “Wanted: Wolverine Dead or Alive!” I wonder if this issue will feature Wolverine heavily.

Page 3: Is it just me, or does Storm spend a lot more time being naked than the rest of the X-Men?

Page 5- Is Jean actually having second thoughts about saving the universe here? Because that’s what it looks like.

Page 6. There’s just something lovable about Peter Rasputin, isn’t there?

Page 9. Wolverine makes a good point, and he also shows that he’s better than everyone thinks he is. But why must he always be wearing his costume?

Page 11. And here I thought the Canadian government was just going to let him walk away. But I have Giant Size X-Men #1 right in front of me, Logan, and James MacDonald is nowhere to be seen when you cut Chasin’s tie. I called your bluff, Hah!

Page 12. The “Ultimate product of Canadian Technology”? He’s “the equal of any Avenger”? Does that mean Guardian/Vindicator/Weapon Alpha could take on Iron Man? How about Thor? Single handedly? I’m thinking "no".

Page 17, Wolverine is starting to learn to appreciate his friends. Yay!

Post Mortem

I’m not much of an Alpha Flight fan, but this was a fun little issue. It’s nice to decompress after everything that’s been happening recently in the book. Plus, you get a sense that Wolverine is starting to get over himself and actually feeling like he’s part of the team. Alpha Flight is going to come back, of course, and we’ll get a tiny bit of Wolverine back-story. Yay!

Plus maybe Kurt got to Scott, and he’ll stop acting like such a jerk.

But probably not.

New X-Men? #108 (Existence Saving Edition)

All-New, All-Different X-Men #108

“Armageddon Now!”

Chris Claremont and John Byrne

Synopsis

As the fight continues, the X-Men are pulled into the very heart of the M’Kraan Crystal, where Phoenix must fight to save the very universe itself.

Rolling Commentary

Umm. Well, Cockrum apparently had a cover or two left in him. Meh. That’s cool. Onto the story, then.

Page 3: Sigh. You can always tell when something very, very bad is happening in the X-Men. That’s because whenever things get very horrible they always cut to the Baxter Building and the Avengers Manor for a couple of reaction panels. That’s how you know the universe is in dire peril.

Page 4. He’s the goddamn Wolverine! Of course he’s still alive! That being said, I thought we wanted to, uh, keep D’Ken away from the crystal. Or something. So why are we charging at super powered gatekeepers who would, theoretically at least, share in our goals?

Page 5. Thankfully, Ch’Od proves the voice of reason. Unfortunately this Jahf dude is as crazy as Wolverine. Oh well. Ch’Od rules.

Page 9. I’m not sure how throwing D’Ken into the crystal transported all of them in, but whatever. The Crystal seems to alter reality itself, so whatever works.

Page 15. Amidst Phoenix saving the universe from complete annihilation, the truth is revealed about Corsair. Yay and such. Sure, having Cyclops’ father be a crazy space pirate is contrived and completely illogical. But it has a certain charm to it, don’t you think?

Post Mortem

It is finished.

Now what the hell just happened?

Honestly, the actual plot makes very little sense, though it is certainly on a grand scale. If you want a better explanation of what just happened, I suggest you go hunt down the X-Men TAS episodes of the Phoenix saga. They’re a good translation of the events and are considerably clearer than this. That being said, I’m not actually going to complain about the craziness of the plot at all. It doesn’t make complete rational sense, because it doesn’t need to. That’s because this isn’t a science fiction story, so much as a fantasy story.

This entire issue is about magic, to an extent. If you think about Phoenix as a sort of cosmic sorcerer and the Crystal as a magical weapon- indeed, crystals are used in lots of types of magic- things start to seem much more clear. The crystal is a magic bomb designed to destroy existence itself, and start everything anew. D’Ken has aligned the crystal up with an astrological alignment, a celestial trigger that is pulled every million years. Once this happens, the bomb goes off.

Enter the Phoenix. Supreme telekinesthetic, she can control matter at the molecular level, even though she’s not fully aware of it yet. The bomb goes off, and yet she manages to contain its detonation. She stops the entire destruction of the universe through sheer force of will. That’s the very definition of magic- changing your environment through will power. She uses Storm and Corsair to anchor herself for the final push to save everything. This is more magic, often time magicians use others to help anchor themselves and keep control of both what they’re doing and their own sanity.

And what of the vast numbers of coincidence and chance that allowed Jean to save existence here? There are no coincidences. Think of reality as an organism, biological in nature. When organisms come under attack from parasitic and bacterial entities, they summon an immune system to fend them off. D’Ken and the crystal threatened the universe itself. To save the universe, a Phoenix was needed to be present. Jean becomes Phoenix. Lilandra finds Charles, and Eric captures her. Phoenix allows them to follow Eric. When the Crystal is activated, Phoenix is there, because all that has happened leads her there. She’s swallowed into the crystal, where she needs to be to stop it. A pattern is present in everything, giving Jean the chance to keep the universe alive.

But why does D’Ken do all this? Well, something as power as this crystal may in fact be sentient (a common theme in fantasy stories). If the crystal is alive, considering its power level it could easily manipulate D’Ken’s lust for raw power and get him to activate itself without really thinking of the consequences. The crystal exists to destroy this universe and rebuild it (indeed, if I recall correctly, we’ll see more of the crystal in the future). Just as the universe called forth champions to protect it unknowingly, so did the crystal call forth people who would help it to achieve its purpose.

I know it sounds insane, but it really works for me. The Phoenix is the universe’s white blood cells. It’s defense mechanism.

I do, however, wish things had been just a little less jam-packed. D’Ken and the M’Kraan Crystal would have seemed considerably more threatening if we had seen them more before last issue, you know? Still, it’s a noble effort of an issue, especially considering how early into Claremont’s run we really are here.

And before I leave this issue, I suppose I should give a pat on the back to this early John Byrne artwork. It’s not like they’d want to give him something easy to warm up on, or anything…

New X-Men? #107

All-Night, All-Different X-Men #107

“Where No X-Man Has Gone Before!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

Half a galaxy away from home, the X-Men battles the Shiar Imperial Guard to rescue Princess Lilandra. And what mad plot has Emperor D’Ken hatched that threatens the very universe itself?

Rolling Commentary

Pages 2 and 3: They just couldn’t help themselves with that title, could they? Alas. I’d like to just point out the gorgeous splash page on Page 1. If anyone out there somehow had that piece of original art, I would probably be willing to grant large sums of money and/or sexual favors for it.

Page 4. Damnit, Cyclops, what happened to calm and reasoned diplomacy when greeting foreign cultures?

Page 8: Whoa! That soul-drinker thing looks unpleasant. Also, do any of the X-Men really have any idea what’s going on? I mean, D’Ken is clearly evil (you can tell by the moustache and thick eyebrows), but they just jumped into some kind of interstellar war without so much as a by your leave. Man.

Page 13. You know, Wolverine looks kind of good in those threads…

Page 15, I guess the calvary has arrived. Space pirates… Oy. I’m glad I wasn’t reading in the late 70s, because I would have absolutely no idea what is going on right now if I did.

Page 16. It’s been a page and a half, and I already like Ch’Od.

Page 17- Cyclops and Corsair meet for the “first” time. This is important.

Post Mortem

Yeah, I know the universe is ripping itself apart, but I can’t help but feel that the X-Men are more important right now. And D’Ken’s kind of a jerk, what with the whole arranging his sister’s horrific death and all, but I’m a little confused on his motivation. I know his sister is trying to stop him from maybe destroying the universe, but how and why is he maybe going to destroy the universe? We’re told the M’Kraan Crystal is all kinds of crazy power, but never much else.

This is probably my main point of complaint for this early Claremont work- the characterization of the good guys is excellent, but the plot itself is littered with holes, and the bad guys have little explanation of their actions. This is okay with Magneto and the Juggernaut, because we already know them. But with new villains like Black Tom and especially here with D’Ken- I know nothing about him other than he’s an evil tyrant. Greeeeeat. Maybe I’m delving too deep here, but things aren’t often that simple.

The good news is that none of that manages to ruin my enjoyment of a kickass story. None of that really comes to mind until after you’ve finished an enjoyable read, which is fair enough, I suppose. The fight is gloriously fun, and as always Dave Cockrum’s draftsmanship keeps what could have been a very messy fight scene clean and clear. And let’s all hear it for Dave Cockrum, shall we? This is his last issue for a while, and he never gets the credit he really deserves. All kinds of plot threads are tied up and new ones are added in. Next up is the final conclusion to the original “Phoenix Saga”, and we learn just how powerful she really is. Sort of.

New X-Men? #106

All-New, All-Different X-Men #106

“Dark Shroud of the Past!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

Charles Xavier has just come face to face with the being that has been plaguing his minds for months. This causes him to look back to when it first began- and to a battle with two sets of X-Men.

Rolling Commentary

Page 3: Wait a tick, is this entire episode going to be a flash back?

Page 5- I know Wolverine is still a little bat-shit-insane at this point, but I kind of agree with him… anyway, I’m glad Banshee is here to set Cyclops straight. And did Storm’s bra just jump 3 sizes or something?

Page 8- Okay, I know this book was bi-monthly, but it’s only been 6 issues. Isn’t it a little early to do a “New X-Men verses Old ‘X-Men’” again?

Page 11- Okay, Scott? Could you please, you know, close your eyes when your visor is taken off? So as you don’t kill everyone?

Page 15- Just to reiterate what the X-Men are thinking- What the hell is going on here?

Page 18: Yes, yes in fact the entire issue was a flashback episode.

Post Mortem

Hmm… I’m honestly not quite sure of my thoughts on this issue. There was nothing particularly bad about the issue, but nothing particularly important happens, either. We learn that Professor Xavier’s powers can be used for evil. Wow. That’s a real shocker, there.

I’m probably being a little hard on this issue, given my insight of 25 years of stories that follows this one. And also, it would have been a year after issue 100 that this book hit the stands. I read issue 100 four days ago. But still, do we really need to go over this X-Men vs. X-Men thing again? (That being said, being fouled by Professor Xavier’s telepathic powers is considerably more plausible than being fouled by duplicate robots, in my book at least.) The X-Men have just been thrown into space, Professor X keeps talking about how the whole universe is doomed- and they choose now to do a flashback issue? And not even a flashback issue that fills in plot points, either. Again, I’m left feeling a sense that the writer and editorial staff weren’t quite sure what to do next, so they’re stalling for time.

The art is good and the writing is fine, but I can’t help but fill a need to say “Get on with it already!”

New X-Men? #105

All-New, All-Different X-Men #105

“Phoenix, Unleashed!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

The X-Men get to New York just in time to kick Eric the Red’s ass- that is, until Firelord shows up to back him up. But why? And what’s with all these Battlestar Galactica rejects, anyway?

Rolling Commentary

Apparently the X-Men have arrived just in time to fight Eric the Red at the Institute. Off panel. Meh.

Pages 2 and 3: Holy shit its Firelord. Fuckity shit. See, Firelord is sort of like the Silver Surfer in terms of power level. Except that he’s a fucking nuclear reactor. These guys are so screwed.

Page 5. Well that was brief. I totally called how this fight would end.

Page 6. Oh Firelord…. You may have the power to snuff suns, but you really aren’t very bright, are you? Believe it or not, this sort of thing happens every single time you ever see Firelord. Ever. He's so lovably gullible.

Page 7: Meanwhile, on the bridge of the Enterprise…. And yes, Miss Science Officer, we have thwarted Galactus multiple times, and defeated him. Because we’re Americans, damnit!

Page 10- Now remember, we at home know where all this is eventually heading. But back in the day? This is the first time we’ve really seen Jean since issue 101, and no one at this point is really sure what she’s capable of. So her getting all Exorcist on us and charging at Firelord (not generally the smartest move in existence) is somewhat awesome but mostly terrifying.

Pages 11 and 12. *sigh* Well, they say poking fun at yourself is good for the soul, so I’ll let these couple panels speak for themselves.

Page 16. Charlie really needs to chill out. I mean, I know he’s been having “visions” and all, but what does he really know about this Space Princess? She just materializes in front of him and gets captured, so he instantly assumes the universe is in immediate and dire peril? Chill, dude. Luckily, we have Jean here to explain Charles’ crazy rantings, along with the plot.

Port Mortem

Giant fiery battles in the sky are always cool. This is the first time we see Phoenix cutting loose, and it looks pretty damn cool. And bad Star Trek jokes aside (I’m allowed to make them, since I have the entirety of Wrath of Khan memorized), you’re definitely left with a sense of “What the hell is going on here?”

Firelord is always fun, even if he is rather stupid and short tempered (he’s made of freaking fire, though, so why would his temper be surprising?). Also, I love how Eric the Red has no issues with potentially killing his mind controlled minions. Such ethics. Next issue: Things get more bizarre!

New X-Men? #104

X-Men #104

“The Gentlemen’s Name Is Magneto”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

On their way out of Ireland, the X-Men are sent to Moira MacTaggert’s lab in Scotland to investigate a disturbance. But when they get there they run into the X-Men’s oldest and greatest enemy- Magneto.

Rolling Commentary

Oh, thank god, it’s Magneto. Great homage cover, by the way. Cockrum’s ruling it there.

Pages 2 and 3. Well, I guess we’re not even pretending Moira’s a house keeper anymore. That’s fine with me. And yes Banshee, it really is your own fault. But hey, if Jamie Madrox (my second favorite X-Man ever) is about to show up, that’s fine with me too.

Page 8. Man, Magneto likes to hear himself speak, doesn’t he? Realistically, though, you’ve got five X-Men here, versus Magneto, and of those five, two are metal based heroes. Against Magneto. There’s a rule to fighting Magneto, which states that when fighting Magneto, avoid using metal of any variety. It’s just a good idea to keep away from all metallic objects really. So Colossus and Wolverine? Yeah, they’re boned.

Page 10- I greatly enjoy how Claremont just says “Fuck you” to an annoying continuity issue here. “But Magneto’s a baby!” “Fuck you, that’s stupid. That’s so stupid I’m going to undo it. Off panel. And only explain it in a flashback.” Rock on, Mr. Claremont. Also, man, Cyclops, just assuming you’d never deal with Magneto again was kind of a dumb move, wasn’t it?

Page 17- No, that’s not Havok behind the door marked “Mutant X”, nor is it the syndicated TV show that isn’t about the X-Men but stars mutants doing mutant things. If it’s who I think it is, we’ll have to wait a good 20 issues or so to find out. And note that Magneto lacks a snappy comeback to Wolverine there.

Page 18- Starjammers ahoy! Finally, everything is getting ready for the big story.

Post Mortem

Yay for things happening! Yay for Magneto! Yay for Magneto using his powers to kick ass!

You know, to be honest, nothing much more happens in this episode than the last one. But Magneto is vastly more interesting and much more cool than the villains last issue, so maybe that’s why it seems much better. I do enjoy the fact that the last four issues or so have been there to distract not only the X-Men but the readers as well from the plot to kill Xavier, even though at this point the readers don’t really know why Erik the Red is gunning for Charlie.

You like how the X-Men didn’t really beat Magneto at all? I know I did.

Another thing: I think this is the first time we have a hint that Charles Xavier isn’t the perfect angel everyone’s convinced he is, what with the founding of Muir Island and such. Which is good. Cyclops is starting to trust Charles less, which will be an occasional theme of the series up to the present day.

New X-Men? #103

All-New, All-Different X-Men #103

“The Fall of the Tower”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

While the rest of the X-Men are trapped by Black Tom and Juggernaut, it’s up to Nightcrawler and the Leprechauns (son of a bitch…) to come to their rescue! Also, we find out who’s paying for all these nifty gizmos Black Tom seems to have installed into the castle.

Rolling Commentary

Someone is getting a very special room in hell, just for this opening splash page.

Page 4. So Nightcrawler’s got new powers and Leprechauns are not only real, but fairly common here in Cassidy Keep. Wow. I know realism is relative here in super hero comics, but the fact that O’Donnell the butler seems so matter of fact about these little dudes hiding out in the castle seems a bit… weird, I guess. Plus: Leprechauns. Oy.

I don’t know why I find this so funny, but on page 12 I almost laughed out loud when Colossus grabbed Wolverine and tossed him over the castle’s wall.

Page 14. I love that Wolverine seems to be the only person reacting properly to these little midgets. Also, first time we learn Wolverine’s name!

At the end. Ahhh…. Juggernaut really does love Tom…. Also, first D’Ken (though they don’t say his name, that’s who it is), and looks like the long awaited return of an old friend is coming soon…

Post Mortem

I’m never going to get a plausible explanation for those god damn leprechauns, am I?

It’s not that the last couple of issues were horrible, because they were actually quite fun to read. But… very little actually happened in them, quite frankly. Once the X-Men get to Ireland, it seems we get a fight scene that last two and a half issues while Claremont tries to figure out what to do with Jean now that she’s all Phoenixy. I’m not saying that’s what actually is happening here, just that that’s the impression I got reading it.

Like I said, the fight itself isn’t so bad, it just doesn’t go anywhere. We’re told about a dozen times that Black Tom is Banshee’s cousin, and apparently they both grew up in this castle. But that’s it, in terms of backstory. No mention of how and why Black Tom went bad, or what his mutant powers are, or how come Banshee’s sonic scream can’t rupture his ear drums. No mention of where and how Black Tom and Juggernaut met. If we had some of these things, the emotional impact of Banshee and Tom’s “final” duel would have been so much higher.

And what point did the Leprechauns really serve, honestly? Couldn’t Tom have been ransoming the butler’s family instead? Couldn’t Nightcrawler have just bamfed out of Juggernaut’s clutches rather than being rescued? The Leprechauns are weird, stupid, and completely replaceable in terms of plot. Plus, seriously, are we just trying to stereotype Ireland here or what? Gah. This could have been so much better simply by getting rid of them.

New X-Men? #102

All-New, All-Different X-Men #102

“Who Will Stop The Juggernaut?”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Synopsis

As the fight rages on at Cassidy Keep… um…. Well, the fight rages on at Cassidy Keep.

Rolling Commentary

*Sigh* Is it just me, or is the title of every single comic book that Juggernaut appears in some direct variation on the one used here?

Page 3. Dude…. Seriously, how strong is Wolverine? He just tossed Colossus! Holy shit!

Page 4. Is Juggernaut’s helmet made out of Adamantium or something?

Page 10. Jean Grey roomed with Misty Knight? Huh. I totally didn’t know that.

Page 11. Do you see?!?!? Charles is having his very own little freak out party right there, with absolutely no care at all for Scott’s feelings for Jean. I mean Jean just died (sort of), and he wants Cyke to fly across the Atlantic right this second on the off chance that the fight will still be going on in six hours. See? He’s a dick.

Okay… so what exactly are Black Tom’s powers here on page 13? Shooting lasers out of a stick? And WHAT THE FUCK are those things on the next page?!?

Post Mortem

Elves??!?!!??!???!? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I swear…. Okay, as much fun as issues with nothing but fight scenes are, I feel safe in saying that if I had skipped over this issue I would be able to figure out what happened within a page of the next one. Because only three things happened:

1.) The X-Men had their asses handed to them by Juggernaut and Black Tom

2.) Scott told the Professor no to a stupid request of his, and Charlie blew up in his face, then had a seizure

3.) Elves or leprechauns or something equally fucking inane kidnapped Nightcrawler.

I have no idea how something that stupid got past the editorial department. Words fail me. I know this is filler, but seriously! Wasn’t the X-Men still bi-monthly at this point? And people had to wait ANOTHER two months for this stuff to finish? Geesh.

That being said, the fight itself was quite enjoyable. It’s just that nothing else happened. At all.

Leprechauns, man…

New X-Men? #101

All-New, All-Different X-Men #101

“Like A Phoenix, From The Ashes!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

After crashing into the Jamaican Bay, Jean is somehow transformed into a being of unknown power. In the wake of this, Professor Xavier sends the X-Men (minus Cyclops) on a brief getaway to Ireland, to decompress. However, are things as comfortable in Banshee’s castle as they thought?

Rolling Commentary

If you didn’t get the message from the cover, it literally spells it out for you on Page 5. The Phoenix has risen.

I guess it’s a good thing the shuttle landed near the edge of the Jamaican Bay then, so that the X-Men can conveniently walk out of the water immediately on Page 6. Also lucky is that Nightcrawler’s image inducer didn’t get damaged in the crash, and that Storm can somehow re-ionize the atoms of her costume. Man, I want me some unstable molecules. And shouldn’t the military, like, take these guys into protective custody? They just fucking crashed a space shuttle, and no one’s even asking any questions? Clearly, mutant prosecution can’t be that bad if they can get away with this type of stuff.

Page 13. It’s awfully convenient that Sean Cassidy inherited this gigantic castle, isn’t it? Especially considering that the first time the X-Men met him he was stealing things for Factor Three (I know he had no choice, but still). And tell me, is Storm really wearing her costume while they’re all on vacation?

Page 15, and I’m forced to revamp my just-asked question: Is Storm really wearing that headband thing… while she’s SHOWERING? And what’s with the little peep show dudes?

Post Mortem

Jean Grey has died, so now she can be reborn as the Phoenix. Huzzah. This issue slows down quite a bit from the last few, allowing the X-Men to catch their breath before what happens next (teehee). It’s not a bad issue, per say, so much as very little really happens in it.

Minor qualms about the dialogue aside, though (Why does Black Tom feel a need to use everyone’s full name whenever he addresses them at all?), this issue mostly exists to bridge the last story arc with the one coming up, and make us wonder about what’s happening to Jean. Hopefully we’ll be done with this Juggernaut (not a big fan) and Black Tom (even less of a fan) nonsense soon.

Friday, June 09, 2006

New X-Men? Special 100th Episode Edition! Awesome!

X-Men #100

“Greater Love Hath No X-Man…”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

It’s X-Men versus X-Men- Or is it? And what’s up with Steven Lang?

Rolling Commentary

That’s quite the two-page spread on Pages 2 and 3, isn’t it? Also, on Page 1, I’m not sure who it is who’s watching all this nonsense. The figure was seen on the last page of issue 97 too. Is it D’Ken, maybe? Erik The Red? I’m all a-tingle with excitement…

Whooooo! Page 5! First Fastball Special Evah!!!!

On Page 8, Wolverine threatens “Professor Xavier”, something none of the others would even dare to do. I point this out for two reasons- first, it’s badass. But more important, it’s an example of why I think Xavier asked Wolverine to join in the first place. It’s not because of his powers and skeleton, it’s the fact that he’s willing to do whatever it takes. He’s uncompromising, and even willing to take on Xavier himself if needed, something not even Cyclops would do.

Page 14. Okay, the explanation for the X-Sentinels is less than amazing, but whatever. Wolverine is being a total badass here, and dude! Jean just killed someone! And he deserved it too. Rock.

Page 16. Wow. Jeanie’s a little harsh here to Wolverine, isn’t she?

Post Mortem (literally) (sort of)

Jean Grey is dead. Only…. Not really. We all know what’s coming (And if some how you don’t, the cover to the next issue tells you anyway, I don’t feel bad for spoiling it).

It’s a fun issue, and it’s one of the first to hammer home the racism theme that Claremont will come back to so often (with good reason). And though the X-Sentinels are somewhat less than plausible (I mean, do the androids even know that they’re robots?) and the explanation a little rushed, it’s a fun issue, and it covers a lot of ground.

I’m rather glad Lang is dead, since he really was less than brilliant as a villain. Colossus’ words about Havok though… Harsh man. And good stuff. Characterization is really spot on here, and hopefully it will only get better. Next up: The future of the X-Men begins.

New X-Men? #99

All-New, All-Different X-Men #99

“Deathstar, Rising!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

Learning that Banshee, Wolverine, Marvel Girl, and Professor X are being held captive in an old SHIELD Orbital Platform, the remaining X-Men sneak onboard a space shuttle and head to rescue them- only to be confronted by more Sentinels.

Rolling Commentary

Before anybody gets started with regards to the title, I’d point out that this issue is dated June 1976, a full year before Star Wars came out. It’s not a reference, really. Oh, and the exclamation points are back, I guess. Alas. Excellent splash page by Cockrum, by the way.

Page 4. Man, Charles Xavier must have some very influential friends for the X-Men to be able to sneak onboard an international space flight. How exactly do Colossus’ gigantic shoulder pads fit under that spacesuit? And tough news about Peter’s brother, isn’t it. It’s too bad we’ll never get to meet him… or will we? (Bum, bum, bummm!!!!*)

Page seven, first appearance of Black Tom Cassidy, for those keeping score at home. Even if you can’t really see him. He’s there, I promise.

For the record, on page 11’s comment about Colossus fighting for the woman he loves: It doesn’t amount to anything. Trust me. However, on page 12, Colossus defending Olga Korbut out of honor for the Soviet People made me chuckle. There should be more open communists in comic books.

Wow. Scotty’s acting all manly on the end of page 14, isn’t he?

Umm… I’m not sure who the dude in shadow is on page 16 (I’m thinking either Professor X or Shadow King, but my gut says otherwise), but I’m stoked about it no matter what. And I know the last page is going to lead to some bullshit with clones or robots or something, but it’s a great page nonetheless.

Post Mortem

Okay, I have to say, Doctor Lang is not the scariest villain. That being said, Sentinels are always fun to throw at the X-Men. They make great scenery, as the X-Men rip them to shreds. It’s fun stuff.

Like I said last issue, now that things are really starting to happen, this book really is a page-turner. Excellent stuff, Cyclops is all full of rage at the thought that something might have happened to Jean, which is a lead up to what’s about to happen. And I know it’s just for the long time fans, but getting ready for the battle between the original “X-Men” and the current X-Men has me all giddy.

Next up is a super special issue 100! Although, I should probably tell you that issues 67-93 were all reprints…

*Sorry about that folks. Couldn’t resist.

New X-Men? #98

All-New, All-Different X-Men #98

“Merry Christmas, X-Men…”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

While celebrating Christmas in New York, the X-Men are attacked by a new batch of Sentinels. What’s up with these crazy robots, anyway?

Rolling Commentary

Hmm… looks like I got that wish about titles after all. Plus, Wolverine’s face for the first time ever!

I have got to point out panel 2 of Page 3 as being a “Yay Stan and Jack!” Moment. Though I’m pretty sure Stan never smoked (There’s a marginally famous picture of him holding a cigarette, but it was just used as a prop for the photo. And the fact that I know this bit of useless trivia clearly makes me some sort of super nerd.). On a different note, I have some small trouble believing that soulless android killing machines such as the Sentinels would state the obvious like that.

Page 10, another reference to Charlie’s “Mental Defenses”. I know he’s the most powerful telepath on the planet, but how precisely are his telepathic abilities supposed to protect him from a giant robot?

Wolverine comes to Jean’s rescue on page 13! It’s sweet, isn’t it? Plus, remember, Charlie is the only one on the team who really knows the full extent of Wolverine’s abilities right now. Yay for Adamantium!

Post Mortem

Ok, I admit it. At first, I was worried that everyone was crazy when they were talking about the beginning of Claremont’s X-Men run, because to be honest, the first three issues weren’t anything hugely amazing. Mindless fun, I suppose, but nothing to write home about. But now that things are really starting to get rolling, I’m really digging this stuff. This issue is at least as good as last, and the fun is up big time.

But the dialogue! Oh my. When I catch myself saying out loud “Wow (Insert X-Man’s name here). I can’t believe you said something that corny.”, it’s bad. I can’t decide yet if I really hate those moments or if I secretly love them.

Look kids! Marvel Girl was actually using her powers! Awesome! (sorry, it had to be said)

Also: Wow. Storm is fucking awesome. Now I get it. See, I’ve never understood why everyone loves her so much. I grew up in the nineties, and frankly, Storm was a very bland character in the nineties. She still is today. But hell, back in 1975 she was kicking ass and taking names, big time. So I’m left saying, “Wait, Storm was cool?!? Well then, what the hell happened to her?” And Wolvie’s attraction to Jeanie starts to be seen. Awesome. And we’re only 5 issues into Claremont’s run.

New X-Men? #97

All-New, All-Different X-Men #97

“My Brother, My Enemy!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

Experiencing some rather horrible visions, Professor Xavier decides he needs a vacation. But as the X-Men wave goodbye to him at the airport they’re attacked- by Havok and Polaris? Also, Marvel Girl’s back on the team.

Rolling Commentary

Page 1-3, it’s the beginning of X-Men: In Spacccccceeeeee…(part 1) And you have to admit, it looks pretty awesome on that two-page spread. I have a sort of love/hate relationship when the X-Men’s Star Warsian adventures (and yes, I just now made up that phrase), because I’m a pretty firm believer that the X-Men should stay on Earth pretty much full time. But when it’s done right its so damn cool….

Also, could I get an issue title that doesn’t end in an exclamation point something soon, please?

Page 4- Ha! Told you something was up with Moira. Of course, I had the benefit of knowing all about her before hand…

Page 6 brings the return of Jean Grey to the X-Men after, what, three issues? Alex and Lorna are back too, though probably not as permanently. Havoc needs a haircut. And who’s that in the shadows? Well (SPOILERS) I’m pretty sure it’s “Der Eht Cire”, but let’s wait and see.

Page 10! I thought so. So, when do we get an explanation for why Eric The Red II is wearing Cyclops’ old Eric The Red I costume? (The answer is never. I know that already. Though we will eventually find out what he’s all about at least.)

Page 16 now. This fight has been pretty awesome. But has anyone else noticed that every time Cyclops, Havoc, and Polaris are in a fight together and Polaris’ life is in any way in danger, Havoc always tells Cyclops he’ll kill him if she gets hurt?

Post Mortem

Who was that masked man? Holy shit that was cool. Leaps and bounds ahead of the last issue. Mystery! Intrigue! Mind control! My only real complaint really is that, once again, Jean is just there for scenery’s sake. She seems to show back up just so Scott can cry “Jean! Nooo!!!” when she gets bonked on the head.

Aside from that, this was an excellent issue. As dumb as it kind of was, I liked that off panel Charlie just happened to call Wolverine and Banshee in to the rescue. It amused me, for some reason. And Storm was super awesome. I don’t like Storm, usually, but this was a great issue for her. (Now why doesn’t she use her powers like this anymore?)

That being said, who called it? Come on, who called it? Oh, that’s right, I freakin’ called it. Two issues after Thunderbird dies, and no one remembers at all. (Really, I didn’t read ahead. It was just a good guess) That’s okay, though, because this issue is exciting enough that you don’t even think about him. Phoenix Saga starts in three issues, comrades.

New X-Men? #96

All-New, All-Different X-Men #96

“Night of the Demon!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

Mourning the death of Thunderbird, Cyclops accidentally releases a demon named Keirrok who wants to eat the X-Men’s souls. (I’m not making this shit up, I swear!) Also, Moira MacTaggert joins the Institute.

Rolling Commentary

Page 1: I swear, if Cyclops spends this entire issue crying because Thunderbird is dead, someone’s gonna get it… Wait a moment, where the hell is Cyclops here, anyway?

Page 5 in the Danger Room, and Wolverine is taking himself very, very seriously. And oh god! The accents! The horribly, eye-gouging accents! Dear god, make it stop!! Whenever I see Moira and Banshee are in the same room, I die a little bit inside from the bad accents…

Page 7: Sigh…another Doomsday operation…(sort of) Would any military personnel really name a secret project “Project Armageddon”? Really?

Page 9: Gosh, I wonder if there’s more to Moira than meets the eye?

Page 11, and what the crap is this shit? I realize that we’re all going into ‘fight mode’ here, but why is no one standing there going “What the fuck is that thing?!?!” Also, shame on Cyclops for hitting that magic stone that I guess just happens to be sitting outside the Xavier Institute. This is why he’s repressed, you know? Every single time he cuts loose in anyway, something stupid and horrible happens. Also, just how the hell are Charlie’s “mental powers” supposed to protect him from being ripped to shreds by a demon, hmm? And Colossus still has that crush on Storm. And it’s still kind of cute. Because he’s about 16, and I think she’s between 20 and 25 right now.

Page 13. Yay for Adamantium claws! (Do we know that’s what they’re made of yet? I don’t think so…) Also, I’m pretty sure this is the first time we see Wolverine go all berserker on us, as well as the first hint of what he is. Awesome.

Page 18. I have no idea what just happened, but whatever. Aren’t demons supposed to fight Dr. Strange and the Defenders? (What’s a Cairn anyway? It just looks like an obelisk to me. And again, why is this thing on Charles Xavier’s lawn?) First bit of Storm’s backstory here too, which is good, I suppose. And I guess we’ll be hearing more about Project: Armageddon later. Whatever.

Post Mortem

Stupid, stupid, stupid villain. Stupid. I’m sorry, but that was a filler villain and he was boring as hell. “I’m a demon with vague Lovecraft references thrown in, I’m going to eat your souls!” It’s insipid. Blah. There’s absolutely no explanation for any of the nonsense going on in this issue.

The ending is messy, and honestly, the best things about this issue are the little hints about Wolverine and Storm. I’m wondering if all these references to N’Garai come back to light in Inferno, 150 issues later. If so, that’s kind of cool, but for the moment, this issue is kind of ridiculous and WHAT THE CRAP WAS THAT CAIRN THING DOING ON XAVIER’S LAWN? I’m serious, this is bothering me. Didn’t it come with the property or something? How the hell does something like that just appear there?

And I guess Adamantium is magical or something, since Kierrok says nothing else has ever hurt him. I guess. I will say this, though, if the point of this issue is to make me forget that Thunderbird died, it worked, because now all I want is for a real, actual villain to show up (Count Nefaria so does not count) and do something important. Filler is bland. But hey, at least we get those origin hints I mentioned.

New X-Men? #95

All-New, All-Different X-Men #95

“Warhunt!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

Barely surviving the destruction of their plane, the X-men fight on against the Ani-Men, Nefaria, and the threat of nuclear armageddon as time runs out against Nefaria’s doomsday weapon.

Rolling Commentary

Page 2: In case you missed my comment last issue, the cover says it all. This issue an X-Man will indeed die. And stay dead, even. And within two issues, I doubt if anyone will care. Fun cover, though. And whoat! for last issue recap! Moving right along with the story now.

Grr. Why must Colossus keep switching alphabets? I mean, I know he’s going back and forth between Russian and English, but when the Russian is written in its native Slavic alphabet, I can’t even try to pronounce it, and what fun is that? I like how Storm is physically stronger than Banshee. It amuses me for some reason. Huzzah for Colossus’ landing, as well. And thus we have fake-out death number one, Page 3.

Is Page 5 fake-out death number 2? I don’t know if we should count it or not. Anyway, huzzah for Nightcrawler kicking ass and for easily navigated military facilities. And is it just me, or Nefaria kind of lack in the leadership of his men department?

Page 9, and I want to know how Storm can start a freaking monsoon inside a building. There’s not that much water vapor in the air. I’m sorry, but no. And how come Storm only ever does cool shit like this when they’re up against mindless soldiers and the like, but never when they’re fighting Magneto?

Page 11. Umm… Colossus is very… protective of Wolverine, isn’t he?

Page 16. Man everyone seems so casual about near nuclear death. Luckily, Charlie mentally scanned the system (somehow) and we’re not all going to die after all. Lucky us.

Page 18. So Thunderbird and Nefaria are now dead. Except Nefaria will be back. Alas.

Post Mortem (literally)

First off- and I thought of saying this last issue- what kind of ultimate weapon is called a “Doomsmith”? It’s not cool. It’s not imposing. It’s just silly. Ultimate weapons should not have silly names.

Thunderbird is dead. For real. He now joins the ranks of Changeling and Professor Xa- no, wait, umm… Changeling and Mimic- no, see, that still doesn’t work… Umm… well, he’s dead. For real. You will never see him alive again in a comic unless he’s either from an alternate universe or if he’s one of the two other people who, so far, have become Thunderbird since he died. That said, his powers were pretty non-descript, so whatever. Nefaria isn’t nearly as dead, though, which is unfortunate.

Other than that, this issue is really bland. Thunderbird’s death is kind unimportant too, really. We barely know the character at all. He just kind of dies, right there. We don’t know him well enough to feel sad or anything, so he just stops being there. I give it one issue, and then they’ll stop talking about his death and forget he exists. And I’m talking about the readers as well as the characters here.

New X-Men? #94

All-New, All-Different X-Men #94

“The Doomsmith Scenario!”

Chris Claremont and Dave Cockrum

Summary

After all of the original X-Men (and Sunfire) leave the team save Cyclops, Professor X gets a call from Beast (currently surviving with the Avengers). Count Nefaria is back, and he’s taken over NORAD.

Rolling Commentary

Wow, it’s Page 2 and Sunfire has already quit. Apparently helping Chuck out at Krakoa was a one time deal, even though when initially asked to help out Charles was all “Dude, I could use a hand” and Sunfire was all “Sure, I’ll join, for no good reason at all!” Meh. He’ll be back eventually.

And Page 5, the original X-Men are leaving (for now. I bet we’ll see them all by Issue 100. *wink wink*), except for Cyclops (I’m totally going to add the phrase “Killed by my EYES! My cursed, mutant, energy blasting EYES!” to my vocabulary). Wolverine and Cyclops have their first power struggle (Yay!), and I guess Scott and Jean are breaking up. For now. Until she comes back to the team. Or something.

Page eight, and I guess Charles is taking me up on that complaint about the team not having any training. Cyclops is still a tightass, but at least he’s acting like a leader. And Thunderbird is apparently just insecure, which is why he’s such a jerk.

And now we start Chapter Two at NORAD. I really wish that if they’re going to do these chapter things they’d be consistent and start with Chapter One.

Page 14. Man, Count Nefaria… I mean, yes, he’s on the cover and all, but shouldn’t he be fighting the Avengers or something? And Nightcrawler makes a friend. Yay! And Beast cameos! I think he’s in his grey form, still, because he looks… off. Just a little bit. I like how the Avengers are too busy to handle saving the planet from nuclear armageddon, though.

Page 16. Ah, the confidence and bravery of the United States Air Force. Your tax dollars at work, boys and girls. Shouldn’t a doomsday weapon be, like, impossible to get to? The military really should lock down on those things, you know? And really, Nefaria, are the X-Men truly your greatest foes? Truly? They’ve only fought you, like, once before. I’d be a little more worried about Captain America, honestly.

Last page, the Blackbird’s toast and all, and wow, Claremont gets in a “rising from the ashes line in from the very first issue. But why the hell didn’t Nefaria use that disrupter beam from the very beginning, huh?

Post-Mortem

Thus begins Chris Claremont’s first 200 issues of X-Men. And it begs the question:

How the hell did that work? I mean, the X-Jet is just gone, completely disintegrated, and the X-Men are perfectly fine? What’s up with that? Nefaria should know better than to leave a tiny chance of survival for them, seriously. Plus, Nefaria’s kind of a bland character. Vandal Savage-Lite. Baron Zemo without the history or the cool costume (I know I’m the only person on the planet to like it, but still). So I’m kind of “meh” about the whole bad-guy plot.

That being said, I liked the X-Men interactions and the team workout. They’re starting to bitch at each other a lot less. Did Colossus have two lines all issue, though? Grr. And Sunfire leaves because he can, I guess. Since I know what’s about to happen, I’m glad Thunderbird is getting as much screen time as he is, all things considered. And Wolverine seems to have quite a few one-liners thrown in that have been surprisingly humorous. So my official stance is “hoorah” to good characterization and “meh” to bland villains. For the record. Up next! Someone dies! And Nefaria is going to get his ass handed to him (probably)! Don’t miss the X-Citing conclusion (and how many times to you think I’m going to have to write that in my life? A lot, probably)!