King of the Monsters: Champions Making Fools of Themselves Issue!

Godzilla #3
“A Tale of Two Saviors”
Doug Moench and Herb Trimpe

Plot Synopsis
Godzilla apparently left his heart in San Francisco, but the Champions (*snicker*) are here to stop him from causing too much destruction. SHIELD shows up too, and are none too pleased about their meddling.

Rolling Commentary
Ugh. I hope the title has a point to it, because it’s not very good.

Page 2. I kind of like the idea that every time Godzilla destroys something it’s because he’s “curious”.

Page 3. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
You’re the heroes we all call
When the West Coast Avengers fall,
And the Defenders aren’t on the ball,
And the FF is all
Fighting aliens!
Champions!
Sorry, I just thought that the Champions might be less lame with a theme song I made up. I was wrong. Also, Hercules, stop hitting on Natasha. If you want to sleep with her, just ask. She’ll probably let you.
“Champscraft”?

Page 6. How is it that the news anchor doesn’t know what Godzilla is? He’s never seen the movies? He doesn’t know about the monster attacks in Japan that were referenced in the first issue? Was there a cover up or something?

Page 7. Well, Angel’s down. But Hercules is rocking it. Like an ex-Avenger should. Why is he hanging out with these guys? (I know Natasha’s an ex-Avenger too, but she really just belongs to SHIELD, I think)

Page 8. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
That was actually really cool, Hercules. But I bet Godzilla’s really pissed now. And I hope no one was in those buildings that just got crushed.

Page 9. Way to go, Herc. Now he’s really pissed off. Teehee, Dugan doesn’t know who the Champions are. Why does that satisfy me so much?

Page 10. Robby boy needs to stop being so vaguely cryptic.

Page 11. Clash of the Egos! I mean, seriously, “The West Coast is our turf”? Oy. Maybe if you guys would concentrate less on comparing sizes ands more on fighting the giant monster…

Page 12. Whee! The Golden Gate Bridge has been destroyed! So, naturally, the first thing that the Black Widow worries about is the ‘Champscraft’. *snicker*

Page 14. Yay! Hercules has realized that it’s dumb for SHIELD and his team to be pissing each other off!

Page 15. Champions! Champions!
Tra la la la la
Damage the Helicarrier
Make Dugan even scarier
And the situation hairier
Champions!

Page 16. That’s a really cool splash page, I must admit. Even if the wistful-uncle-button-nose thing is a bit weird.

Page 17. No, actually, I’m with Dugan on this. The Helicarrier’s crash was totally all the Champions’ fault.

Post Mortem
Was this issue supposed to make me like the Champions more? Because it didn’t. But it did make me feel like they deserve all the crap I give them. Two members of the team never actually show up. Black Widow just stands there, then gets more worried about the family car than the hundreds of people dieing because of the giant monster attack. Angel flies around for a bit (Which is all Angel ever really did until he got “upgraded” by Apocalypse). Iceman manages to uses his powers stupidly (Hey Bobby! Why don’t you try freezing the Bay, trapping Godzilla in place? Hmm?). And while Hercules means well and gets off a few good shots, he’s not the brightest light in the sky, is he?

That being said, this issue was outrageously fun. That may just have been because I was making fun of the Champions so much (meh), but still, that was really fun. A lot more superheroy than the first two issues, but that’s okay. It’s a nice change, and since we are in the Marvel Universe, it makes sense to throw in super hero issues every now and then.

All that being said, that title needs to go. I guess I know why you guys called it that, but it’s still dumb. And unless you’re pinning Hercules and Dugan as opposing Christ figures, it needs to go.