What If Wednesday #8.1: What If The Spider Had Been Bitten By a Radioactive Human?

On Wednesdays, The Amazing Justin Palm! gets drunk as shit and reviews an issue of Marvel Comics’ “What If?” so that you, the reader, can enjoy his drunken ramblings about a comic book whose sole purpose is to talk about shit that never happened, so it doesn’t matter at all. Dear Internet: You’re welcome.

BONUS EDITION

Okay, so there’s a backup comic in this week’s issue. It’s.... odd. It wants to be funny, but it’s not really. But it’s there, so here it is.

So, sort of like they used to do in “Not Brand Ecch!” (Marvel’s answer to Mad Magazine. I’ll write about it some time), this back up has Marvel Editor Roy Thomas take over for the Watcher in full Watcher garb. Just... just go with it, this is about to get pretty weird. Because in this universe, everyone (except mad scientists?(GIANT mad scientists)) are anthropomorphic animals. So we meet Webster Weaver (REALLY?), a nerdy spider who lives with his Aunt Mayfly and Uncle Bug. And.... okay, lets cut to the chase, this is Spider-Man but with bugs and animals.

So, here’s who everyone is this time: Flash is a goat named Trash, Liz Allen is a … pink snake with hair? Or something? JJJ is a jackass named J. Jonah Jackass (of course), and Betty Brant is (most offensively, in my humble opinion) a pig named Miss Grunt. Webster goes to a science experiment, where the (strangely gigantic human) mad scientist accidentally bathes himself in radiation, goes crazy, and bites Webster’s arm. This, naturally, gives the spider human powers, and thus Webster becomes the Spectacular Man-Spider.

Dear god, it gets worse. Okay, you know Spider-Man’s origin, so can we skip to the meat? Uncle Bug dies because of Man-Spider’s inaction, and thus he becomes a hero. Moving on. All his villains have animal counterparts: Culture Vulture is a vulture with a diploma, Rude Rhino is a rhino in a vest and derby, Marvin the Hunter is a lion with a knife (truly upping the ante in terms of weaponized lions), there’s a truly terrifying Dr. Octopus clone who is now a cat with nine octopus arms coming out of his ass, Leapin’ Lizard is a Lizard in a labcoat (so no real change there) - there’s a bunch more, and they just get worse, so moving on.

There’s actually sort of a plot now- since we have 2 pages left- and the silliness just gets amped up. Some one threatens to destroy the Earth’s atmosphere, so Man-Spider is on the case. The final boss? An anthropomorphic can of bugspray. This is in no way a dated reference (in terms of destroying the Earth’s atmosphere? Just... just look up CFCs, kids). Man-Spider escapes the bugspray, the bugspray isn’t really captured or anything, Roy Thomas is suddenly turned into a woodchuck, the end.

Once again, really, that’s how it ends. It’s not as funny as Not Brand Ecch was, it’s mostly just a less cheerful Captain Carrot riff (I don’t actually know if Captain Carrot came out before this, but I’m a firmly pro-Captain Carrot person, so let’s go with that). But, it is what it is, a back up issue in a comic that doesn’t count. You kinda gotta see it to believe it, I guess.


Guys. This is a panel from this issue, and that's seriously only half the villains with bad names.

10 Cent Comics: Spider-Man #16

Last time, I read an old issue of Spider-Man from the 80’s that was pretty cool. This time, I read an old issue of Spider-Man from the 90’s that was just.... just awful. So let’s just dive into this right away: First of all, this is the last issue of Todd McFarlane’s stint as writer/artist of (No Adjective) Spider-Man. If you want a quick history on (No Adjective) Spider-Man, read the first three paragraph’s under Volume One in this wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider-Man_%28comic%29 I’m too lazy to actually explain it, so moving on.

If you’re wondering what’s up with the cover, it’s sideways in a landscape format, and so is the rest of the entire book, because of course it is, it’s 1991. The title says that this crossover with the recently started X-Force book is “Sabotage X-Over Part 1” but by the first sentence of page 1 it’s obvious that shit went down in the last issue of X-Force that set all this up. And we’ll get to the plot in a moment, but first I want to talk about Todd McFarlane.

I’m not a fan, and I’ve always been honest about it. I have to admit, he draws one hell of a Spider-Man, and it’s no surprise that even 20 years later, many Spidey artists are still following (to some extent) in his footsteps. The thing is, while I like the way he draws Spider-Man, I hate the way he draws EVERYTHING ELSE. And I’d try to forgive that, but in this 22 page comic with the title “Spider-Man”, Spidey appears on 12 pages. 4 of those 12 are double page splashes, of which 1 of those 2 Spidey is just a tiny figure in the background. And 5 of the remaining 8 pages have him as a tiny figure in the background in just 1 panel. That leaves an additional 3 pages where Spidey is sort of important in HIS book.

However, X-Force, who as you remember, are not the main characters here, appear in 17 pages, including a double splash page of Cable rushing into action right at the reader (this 22 page book has 3 double splash pages and 2 more regular splash pages, which means over a third of this book is freaking splash pages). Oh, and before I actually get to the plot, can I just say Cable is in the most ridiculous outfit I’ve ever seen him in, and that’s saying something. To prove how awful the costume is, here’s the cover of X-Force #4, the second part of this “X-Over”:



Why the spikes going into his face? Why the gun longer than he is tall? Why the massive shoulder pads? The only answer is “the 90’s.” And believe me, it’s going to get worse when we get to the plot.

So, the book opens right after B-list X-villain Black Tom Cassidy has... ugh... detonated a bomb on the roof of the World Trade Center. Now, I’m trying to avoid looking at this from today’s perspective, since this was released two years before the first WTC bombing, and 10 years before 9/11, but.... ouch. Not winning any favors with that one. Also, Juggernaut is already on the ground fighting some of X-Force, and Spidey swings by to help say their loser asses. X-Force may be the most nineties-rific book Marvel produced, and lord do they look it. They get their asses handed to them for several pages, and Juggernaut shows us all 50 of his teeth (yes, I counted). I didn’t know the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak gave you extra teeth, but then again, I’m not Todd McFarlane.

Anyway, Spidey tries to reason with Juggernaut, having fought him before, while the X-Force kids down on the street lick their wounds. Meanwhile, on top of the ruined roof of the South Tower (ugh), the rest of X-Force are bitching at Cable for being a terrible leader (which, at this point, I’m with them there), instead of helping rescue survivors. Also, Black Tom is missing. He doesn’t actually appear in this book. Spidey continues to sort of talk down Juggernaut, until Shatterstar (who’s just as stupid as his outfit makes him look) decides the best course of action right now is to stab Juggernaut in the eye.

This enrages Juggernaut, who knocks over ANOTHER building (double-ugh). He drops a skyscraper on Spidey and the X-Kids, then laughs like an idiot until Spidey and the crew dig themselves out of the wreckage, and--

And that’s it. That’s how it ends. To be continued, in a book I hope never to read. And this comic is seriously way worse than it sounds. This was a shitty comic, and if you ever find a copy, buy it and set it on fire if you must, but DO NOT read it. Because if you do, you can never UN-READ IT. Life is just too cruel to let you.

10 Cent Comics: Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #120

I’m not going to lie, I love me some mid-80’s Spider-Man. Not many people appreciate it like I do, but I really love how rough around the edges it usually is. The stories are often lined with the urban decay of New York in that decade (this one certainly is), and Spidey really goes to some interesting, if dark, places. I don’t think it’s much of a surprise that this was the era when the black costume reigned supreme, and even though it’s not in this book (despite the cover), there’s definitely that kind of aesthetic here.

Basically, the plot is as follows: A greedy asshole of a landlord hires a gang of thugs to scare away all his tenants, because he wants to knock down the building to make way for high rise apartments for rich people. But one old man who’s been there for decades won’t scare, and the gang starts leaning on him big time. This is where are friendly neighborhood Spider-Man gets involved, and learns all of this.

The next night, Spidey is keeping watch on the place for hours, making sure that the old man is safe. But when a nearby mugging distracts the wall crawler, and he has to stop it, the gang strikes, pushing the old man out of the building to his death. After the police deal with the old man’s body, the landlord and the gang just decide to say screw it, and burn the place to the ground. Spidey, meanwhile, has snuck in, and just as the gang member who killed the old man lights the place up, Spider-Man startles him.

The next 6 pages are Spidey doing his best Batman impression, creepily following the gang member through shadows as the building catches on fire more and more. Eventually, terrified, the gang-banger realizes he’s screwed, and break down- There’s no escape from Spider-Man. Spidey forces the guy to confess to everything, and the gang members and the evil landlord are taken away. Also, there’s a little bit of uplifting nonsense about Peter deciding to take action with the other tenants in his own building, but it’s basically just added to appease the Comics Code, I think.

Is it a little heavy-handed and simplistic look at urban decay? Sure. It’s far from perfect, cliched a bit, but I liked it. It’s dealing with some heavy issues, that especially at the time it was written, were very real for most urban kids. Writer Bill Mantlo is one of the great, under-appreciated writers of his day, and he wasn’t afraid to take on some serious shit. And the art by a young Keith Giffen (with long-time Marvel veteran Vince Colletta on inks) is.... well, it’s ugly, but in a very, very good way. His Spider-Man has a lot of the weird angles of Ditko’s, all of the art is exaggerated, but it completely fits the tone of the book. And there’s so much play with shadows and darkness, it has this wonderful, creepy vibe. This isn’t a happy story, and he makes sure it doesn’t look happy, either.

Gotta say, a dime well spent.

Why The World Should Relax And Learn To Love Miles Morales

“Who is your favorite superhero?” is a question I get asked a lot. Usually, it’s a conversation starter people use when they just met me but know I read a lot of comic books. (A LOT.) But for me, the answer is crazy important. It’s always instinctual, and always the same. Spider-Man. Of course my favorite superhero is Spider-Man, who else would it be? Batman is the greatest superhero, sure, but my favorite has always been Spider-Man. And just about everyone I know knows that. So, when multiple people asked me “What’s the deal with the new black Spider-Man?” I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. I totally was, but I shouldn’t have been.

Mostly I think I was surprised because I don’t think this is a big deal, in any way, whatsoever. And I could probably go on a long explanation about how Peter Parker is still Spider-Man, and that Ultimate Spider-Man is in an alternate universe, and that multiple characters have had their ethnic backgrounds switched in the Ultimate line, but really, fundamentally, none of that is important, because the correct response to revealing the new Spider-Man as Miles Morales, a teenager of African-American and Latino descent is Let’s Be Friends Again’s take on it:


It may sound weird that I really don’t care about this change, seeing as how I love Spider-Man so much. But really, all I want are good Spider-Man stories. I really could not care less about the character’s skin color. And what I find really, really ridiculous about all this is that all of this has happened before, and as far as I can tell no one complained when this guy showed up.

That’s Miguel O’Hara, or as you might know him better, Spider-Man 2099. He’s been in a lot of video games recently, and he totally rocks an amazing costume. He was also the first Latino to be Spider-Man, way back in 1992. He starred in his own Spider-Man title, in an imprint line (similar to Marvel’s current Ultimate Marvel Imprint) for nearly 50 issues. And no one really seemed to think it was a big deal back then. I’m kind of fond of the guy myself.

Now, it would be easy for me to just call all the haters out there racists and idiots who are crying over a comic book character, who is in fact not real. That would be easy, but I’m not going to do that, because I’m a better person than that. Also, it would be kind of hypocritical of me.
*cough* http://red-spyder.deadjournal.com/13860.html *cough*
So, yes, I’m not going to do that. (You’re real to me, Spidey. You’re real to me....)

What I am going to do is try to explain why they’re really wrong, beyond just being haters. See, as far as I can tell, the people who are really, really upset about this seem to think that this is some sort of new, politically correct statement. They seem to be under the impression that this is some sort of minority pandering, and they’re upset because.... I guess having a non-white Spider-Man hurts... white people? I guess?

Now, I am the first to admit that I don’t understand racial prejudice. And I don’t seem mean “I think it’s dumb”, I mean I will never understand how it feels to be on the receiving end. I’m a white male in the USA who was raised Episcopalian, I am in no way an ethnic minority. And from what I can tell, most of the people complaining about Miles Morales aren’t either. But you know who was? Pretty much everyone who invented famous superheroes.

Lou Dobbs, prepare to have your mind blown. Superman’s creators? Jewish. Batman’s? Ditto. Green Lantern? Same. The entire Marvel Universe? Oh yeah. Together, Stan Lee (born Stanley Lieber) and Jack Kirby (born Jacob Krutzberg), both Jewish-Americans, created the Fantastic Four, the Hulk, Thor, the X-Men, the Avengers, and more. Kirby had created Captain America with writer Joe Simon (yes, he was Jewish too) back in the 1940’s. And Lee, along with artist Steve Ditko (second generation Czechoslovakian-American) created Dr. Strange and, of course, Spider-Man.

Not only that, but almost everyone working at Marvel in the 60s had fought in World War II. Jack Kirby spent the rest of his life having nightmares about his experiences in the war. These people had seen the horrors of racial prejudice upfront, and they were upfront about how wrong it was from the beginning. When Lee and Kirby created Sgt. Fury and the Howling Commandos, a WWII comic that tied into Marvel’s history, they deliberately made one of the Commandos Gabe Jones, an African-American bugle player from New York City. In real life, the army wasn’t integrated until 1948, and Stan and Jack were well aware of that. But historical accuracy wasn’t as important as the message of equality that the Marvel team believed in. This was 1963, by then way, right at the beginning of Marvel’s history.

That’s why Marvel created the Black Panther in 1966, the first black superhero in mainstream comics. That’s why at the Daily Bugle, J. Jonah Jameson’s right hand man is Robbie Robertson, an African-American family man who acts as a voice of reason to JJJ’s endless rants about Spider-Man. And he’s been there since Stan Lee introduced the character in 1967. That’s why the X-Men became a book about equality and the hardships of being a minority. And that’s why, in 1992, it was no big deal to introduce a new version of Spider-Man who just happened to be half-Irish and half-Latino.

Comics, especially Marvel Comics, have a long history of being fairly progressive. They slip up sometimes (especially when it comes to female characters), and I’ve definitely been known to complain about it when they do screw up. But this... this feels right. I’m not going to lie, I am interested in the new Ultimate Spider-Man, and I haven’t even read a comic with him yet. Maybe the book will suck, and then I’ll stop reading it. And maybe it will be great, and then anyone who skipped it, because it wasn’t “the real Spider-Man”, well, they’ll have missed out. This isn’t about political correctness, it’s about making new and exciting comics.

I’m going to be honest, if Spider-Man’s skin color is really that important to someone, I can’t change their mind, and I know that. But what I care about is reading and telling good stories. That’s what matters to me. So, I hope Miles Morales (god, Stan Lee would love that name) has a long and distinguished career as the new web-head. Because most of Spider-Man enemies are still out there, and he’s going to have to deal with them awfully fast, I suspect. Also, his new costume is pretty rad.

Who is Miles Morales? He’s a good guy. He’s Spider-Man. What else really matters?

What If Wedsnesday: What If Spider-Man Had Joined the Fantastic Four?

Every Wednesday, The Amazing Justin Palm! gets drunk as shit and reviews an issue of Marvel Comics’ “What If?” so that you, the reader, can enjoy his drunken ramblings about a comic book whose sole purpose is to talk about shit that never happened, so it doesn’t matter at all. Dear Internet: You’re welcome.



So! First of these columns, and it’s actually sort of topical. This particular story takes place during the events of Amazing Spider-Man 1-2 and Fantastic Four 12-14, both of which I’ve fairly recently reviewed. The story is by Roy Thomas, which is a good sign, and asks a question that... ugh... was recently answered after the Human Torch “died”. (Yeah. Because dying off camera in a comic book means you’ll never come back ever. OF COURSE.)

Now, I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, but I have long maintained that I am philosophically opposed to any version of the Fantastic Four with Spider-Man as a member where the rest of the team ISN’T Wolverine, the Hulk, and Ghost Rider, but... honestly, this is a pretty solid story. Instead of running off like a little bitch, Spider-Man agrees to stick with the FF because Reed Richards stops being such a greedy bastard (“You want to go on crazy space adventures for me AND get paid enough to keep you’re elderly, barely alive aunt breathing through modern medicine? Fuck off asshole!”), so Peter joins the FF and everything is awesome. Seriously, they have a press conference, and Spider-Man is being heckled by America’s Greatest Newspaper Man, J. Jonah Jameson, and all the sudden Reed Richards is all “Dude, I’m backin’ my hommie” and JJJ SHUTS THE FUCK UP. Apparently, being backed up by the smartest guy on the planet gives you street credit.

Anyway, the new Fantastic Five fight the Vulture, the Red Ghost, and pretty much everything else pretty much about as it happened in the ‘real’ universe (comics aren’t really real, but you know, whatever). EXCEPT! When the FF go to the moon to fight the Red Ghost, Reed only has room for four in his rocket ship, and basically tells Sue that the men are talking, so she gets stuck on Earth while the rest of the team goes off to have an awesome moon adventure. Which by itself would be dickish and boring, except that at the same time, Namor the fucking sub-mariner has been mind controlled by the fucking Puppet Master, the Villain Who Makes The Least Amount Of Sense Ever In The History Of Comics Ever. ANYWAY! Sue joins his underwater kingdom, because she’s bored with Reed now that he has a man-crush on Spider-Man, and when the rest of the Fantastic Five get back to Earth, Reed FREAKS THE FUCK OUT. That is because Reed Richards is the most mentally unstable man on the planet, who at any time he doesn’t win Susan Storm’s heart ends up killing us all, and I promise to prove that in the coming weeks.

Anyway, there’s some mind control bullshit and stuff going on still, but essentially (heh) when the rest of then team gets home and realizes Sue is gone, they decide to go to what little is left of Atlantis to fuck Namor’s shit up. They go, there’s a mostly boring rehash of FF #14 (although it’s hard to hate any story where the Thing fights a giant octopus), and anyway! In this version of the story, after all the mind control crap is over, Sue decides she (as the only women on the team) feels like the fifth wheel on the new F5, and so she leaves Reed for Namor. And despite my comments earlier, Reed doesn’t destroy the universe.... for now.

Okay, so (*drunken*) seriously: for the first issue of a series that no one knew would really take off? Pretty decent-to-good. Is it the best issue of What If? ever? Of course not, it’s issue fucking number one. But it is SOLID, and that counts for something. I first read it when I was 14 (I promise, most of these issues I haven’t read before I review them, but I have an old copy of the “Best Of What If”, okay?) and despite not appreciating Silver Age Marvel History like I do now, it was pretty cool then, and it’s pretty cool now. So yeah. For a pilot episode? Not bad.

Next Week! What if the Hulk had the brain of Bruce Banner! I assume it will be a lot like most of the Hulk comics later in Peter David’s run?

P.S.: I haven’t actually read Peter David’s run on Hulk (yet), though I’ve heard it’s pretty good. And I’m one of the three people who read his entire run on Captain Marvel, so.... I probably ought to?

P.S.S.: Seriously, I fucking loved Peter David’s Captain Marvel. Seriously.

Making Marvel Mine: The Essential Spider-Man Vol. 1 (Amazing Fantasy #15, Amazing Spider-Man #1-20 and Annual #1)

Okay, confession time. First, I should have written this like three months ago, and I didn’t. Hopefully my Iron Man review will be more punctual (Iron Man is next guys, just so you know). Secondly, this review is not going to be nearly as fair and balanced as the others (however fair they may or may not be), because Spider-Man is straight up my favorite super-hero ever (closely followed by Batman). And I straight up love this book. How much? So much that instead of general review like all the others, I’m going to talk briefly on every singe issue in here. It won’t be as boring as it sounds, I promise.

This is the first of these reviews I’ve done where I had already read the book before I started reviewing them. My copy of Essential Spidey 1 is the first edition from 1996. I bought it around 6th or 7th grade, and to be honest I probably didn’t appreciate it nearly as much as I do now. Then again, I know a lot more about the Silver Age then I did when I was 12, so there you have it. And frankly, rereading this now after all the other books before it shows off just how good it is.

I’ve talked before about the “character learning curve”, how most comic books take some time to really hit their stride with the characters. Essential Thor gets drastically better about two-thirds in, Hulk had to take a two year hiatus to really figure out where it was going, et cetera. Spider-Man, however, is a lot more like Fantastic Four in that respect. Nearly everything is there from the beginning, and by issue 3 we have really hit the ground running. Stan the Man and artist Steve Ditko know just what they’re doing, from page 1. And nearly all the villains are in play IN THIS BOOK! It is pretty much amazing, just like the title says, but let me break it down for you more:

Amazing Fantasy #15: One of the most reprinted stories in comics, this is the awesome yet tragic origin of Peter Parker, the Amazing Spider-Man. See Spider-Man the movie? Then you know how this goes. Haven’t? Don’t worry, they’re making a remake that has web-shooters (awesome) but also a terrible costume (ugh) that comes out next year, you can catch up then. This is also the first appearance and death of Peter’s Uncle Ben, one of the only people in comics to STAY DEAD (so far). Spider-Man is layered in tragedy, right from the start. Also, moping. Peter Parker does a lot of moping. Oh, and Aunt May, Flash Thompson, and Liz Allen appear too.

Amazing Spider-Man #1: Two stories in this one. First of all: First appearance of America’s Greatest Newspaper Man, J. Jonah Jameson (Take that, everyone working on Spider-Man 4 who say JJJ isn’t important to the Spider-Man mythos!). Also! First appearance of his son, astronaut John Jameson, first Spider-Man: Menace newspaper headline, and Spidey rescues his first rocket ship. Then in the second story, Spidey tries to join the Fantastic Four, which doesn’t go so great, and then it’s time for obligatory Silver Age Communist Spy time! Luckily, this particular spy is actually interesting, because he’s the Chameleon. Sweet.

Amazing Spidey 2 also has 2 stories, the first with the first Vulture appearance. Oh, and Peter sells his first photo to Jameson, and what may be the first Betty Brant is there (she isn’t named at this point). The second story brings us the first Tinker story, who is apparently working for aliens. My commie spy-to-alien invaders ratio theory remains unbeaten. I think this whole story is later retconed as being Mysterio’s fault or something, but this is my Essential reviewing, not current continuity reviewing, so whatever.

By issue 3, things have pretty much filled completely out, like I said. Spidey gets his ass handed to him by Dr. Octopus, complaining that he’s never lost before. Dude, it’s like your fourth fight ever. Chillax. Anyway, because it’s been a whole 2 issues, Johnny Storm makes an appearance, gives a speech, and Spidey feels better about himself and beats Doc Ock.

Issue 4 brings us Sandman! Betty and Peter are flirting! Oh, and the first Jessica Jones, if you’re a total Bendis-phile or something. She doesn’t say anything, but she’s there.

You know who’s awesome? Doctor Doom is awesome. And in issue 5 he fights Spider-Man. Flash pretends to be Spider-Man for the first time. And again, it’s been two issues, so the FF show up. Again. (Jeez.)

Issue 6 has us travel to Florida to fight the Lizard. We meet the whole Connors family, Curt, Martha, and son Billy. After Spidey turns the Lizard human again, Dr. Connors says “The nightmare has ended! At last... it’s over!” Yeah. Of course it is.

Issue 7 returns the Vulture, this time for a full issue! That’s... that’s pretty much it.

Issue 8, the “Tribute-to-Teen-Agers” issue. That’s a direct quote, by the way. A robot comes to school, because it’s 1964, and it might be able to deduce Peter’s identity. Peter and Flash box. Spider-Man shows up at Doris Evans(you remember her?)’ house to show her how he’d be a better boyfriend then the Human Torch. Yep, it’s another FF appearance in Spider-Man. Oy.

Issue 9 brings us Electro! Also, Aunt May in the hospital! This... this will happen a lot.

Issue 10 brings us the most underrated henchmen in Marvel Comics, Ox, Montana, and Fancy Dan- The Enforcers! Oh, and their boss, the Big Man. His identity is supposed to be a surprise, but this comic is 45 years old, so I’m just going to tell you he’s Frederick Foswell, ace Daily Bugle reporter. This will be the start of another trend.

Issue 11 is the first two-parter! Actually, after this, a lot of stories start taking longer form. Doc Ock returns, and he’s made some mob connections. Short version, Betty’s brother owes the mob, and in the fight between Spidey and Doc Ock, not only does Octavious get away, but Betty’s brother gets killed too. Wow, we really do pretty much set up every Spider-Man story cliche in this book, huh?

Issue 12, part 2, and an awesome Ditko cover with Octopus taking off Spider-Man’s mask in front of a bunch of on-lookers! And like the cover says, it’s not a dream, this really happens! Also, more Doc Ock, and zoo animals. How does Peter get out of it? Read it to find out.

Issue 13 brings us the first Mysterio. Unless, you know, that retcon in issue 2 isn’t something I just made up. Honestly, I don’t remember. It’s accurate for now, anyway.

Issue 14 is super important. The Enforcers reappear, the Hulk is there too, but most importantly it’s the first appearance of the Green Goblin! This may sound trivial now, but the Goblin’s identity was kept a secret until issue 39. That’s an over two year wait, and back in the 60’s that was comic book forever.

Issue 15 brings us Kraven the Hunter. I love Kraven the Hunter, and you should too. Also, we hint as the connection between Kraven and the Chameleon. More on that in 30 years. Anyway, the ad on the last page says that next up is #16 and Annual 1, but Annual 1 is at the back of my copy, so we’ll get there in 5 issues. Onward to-

Issue 16! Guest starring Daredevil, still in his yellow phase! The first Daredevil/Spider-Man team up is pretty great, even if they are against the hilariously awful Circus of Crime. Don’t get me wrong, I love these Hulk-reject villains, but they are just awful...

Issues 17-19 is a great three-parter. Guest starring the Human Torch (ten whole issues! wow!) The Goblin returns, kicks Spidey’s ass, the Torch’s too, and its all because Aunt May is in the hospital again. Trends, yes? So, Jonah has a field day about Spidey being a coward, and basically all his villains, and all the superheroes he’s ever met (and a few he hasn’t) wonder why he fled the battle. Peter spends an entire issue feeling bad, Flash tries to pretend to be Spider-Man again, just to get smacked around, and this plus Aunt May getting better convinces Peter to not quit after all. Spidey and the Torch team-up to beat the Sandman and the Enforcers (the Goblin is still MIA), and all is well, except that Jonah hires a detective to follow Peter, to find out how he keeps getting pictures of Spider-Man....

Issue 20 reveals that detective to be Mac Gargan. Gargan can’t catch Peter doing anything weird, though, thanks to Peter’s spider sense always warning him of danger. But Jonah says that’s no sweat, because he knows this scientist named Farley Stillwell, who can give Gargan superpowers. Gargan agrees, because he’s a moron. Thus, the Scorpion is born, and the transformation drives him crazy. So now he hates JJJ AND Spider-Man. Awesome. Oh, and the Scorpion sort of kills Stillwell, which is only important to continuity nerds. So... you know.... me....

Finally, Amazing Spider-Man Annual #1! Sweet. Dr. Octopus, Sandman, Kraven, Mysterio, Electro, and the Vulture team up to form the original Sinister Six! It is pretty great. I’m not spoiling it any further. (Oh, and the FF, Avengers, X-Men, pretty much everyone cameos in here at some point or another. Just saying.)

Okay, this is already way too long, but see just how much is already here, in just the first 20 issues? Spider-Man, like Fantastic Four, was pretty much instantly popular, and it’s obvious why. So, if you like good comics, Spider-Man, or awesomeness, this one is for you!

(That being said, the Human Torch is in 8 out of 22 of these stroies. That’s 4/11ths. What the crap, Marvel?)