New X-Men? Giant Sized Edition

Giant Size X-Men #1!

“Second Genesis!”

Len Wein and Dave Cockrum

Summary

After the “original” X-Men go missing on an expedition to a mysterious island, Professor Charles Xavier recruits seven new mutants to join his X-Men and go looking for the originals.

Rolling Commentary

Great title, first off. The second version of the X-Men (retcons aside) and also Krakoa, the living island. Good stuff.

Okay, I’m at page nine. Lessons learned so far:

1.) German’s are crazy racists who live in medieval style villages and wear funny hats.

2.) The Canadian government is full of chumps. Charlie X convinces them to let him meet with Wolverine without telling them what he wants to talk about. Security threat, anyone? Then, Xavier rolls in, chats with Wolverine for a sec. Wolverine abandons all the training and military contracts he has. Because… well, he’s Wolverine. So that works for me. And after some vague threats on both sides, the Canadians let him walk away. Their premier super-solider, whom they were training to lead their super-powered military initiative (well, we don’t know that yet, but still), and they let him fucking walk away. Pushovers.

3.) Dude. Professor X is a dick. And I know I’m more prone to saying this than some people, but seriously. Here’s Ororo, living in Kenya, helping people. She’s bringing rains to farmers who need it for their crops. And yes, I realize that the average Kenyan thinking she’s a goddess is probably not the healthiest thing in the universe, but she’s keeping people from starving, for Christ’s sake! So to rescue his precious X-Men, Charlie shows up and does a small amount of mind control (I’m assuming, since his argument for her joining him is paper thin), and whoosh! All those Kenyans get to starve after all. Dick.

4.) Apparently Sunfire keeps a geisha around to serve tea at all times. Also, either Charlie is controlling more than just Storm’s mind, or Shiro really hates himself. Or he just likes his Spandex. Whichever.

Page 14 now, and the start of “Chapter 2”. I guess before we were in Chapter 1. It doesn’t say that (I checked), but whatever, it’s cool. I love how Colossus is a good little communist boy. I approve of that, even if Charlie is here to take him off to America and show him Freedom™. And are we supposed to just hate John Proudstar? I mean, he’s just angry with everyone. He hates white people and his own apache clan. What exactly are his powers, anyway? Vague strength and speed, maybe? Hmm. Hopefully they’ll clear that up here in a moment. All that said… There’s just something awesome about the new X-Men’s costumes. They’re just iconic. And as much as I hate it whenever Wolverine wears that lemon-colored Batman mask anywhere else (which is all the time), it just plain looks cool with all the other X-Men standing there with him. Good stuff.

Wow. Up to Page 19. You think Cyclops is a tightass these days? Hell, I’m glad he chilled out as much as he has. First he snaps at Jean when she even mentions Hank McCoy (far be it for someone to move on in their life and not be a full time superhero, I guess), then, Iceman is just bantering to himself and Cyclops is all “Shut the hell up, Drake!” Jerk. And he’s awfully short with his new teammates. Double Jerk. Plus, when he magically loses his powers after Krakoa attacks, he can’t really decide if he’s happy or pissed off about it. Ahh… poor confused and repressed Scott…

Halfway done. Everyone hates everyone, it seems, except for Wolverine and Banshee-who haven’t spoken at all this chapter- and Colossus, who seems to be the naïve kid of the bunch. Fair enough. And is Sunfire just bipolar? He goes from “I think I’ll join you, no questions asked!” to “This is stupid, fuck you!” to “Wait, I want to play too, but I’m still a jerk!” all at once. And I like Sunfire, but what’s his deal?

Begin Chapter Three! Cyclops isn’t much of a team leader here, is he? Everybody jumps out of the plane at different points and meet up in the center? That’s the plan? And you DON’T want to get anyone killed? Wow. That’s a crappy plan. And is Banshee the only person on this team who isn’t pissy?

Page 23, and now we’re getting somewhere! Thunderbird and Cyclops under attack by killer vines and stuff, rocking it hard.

24: Ahhh… Colossus has a crush on Storm. That’s cute.

26: Crab monsters! Rocktastic! And killer eagles! Not as cool. But still.

28: Man… I knew it was coming, and seeing the original X-Men strung up like that is still creepy. Chapter three ends on a high note, and now we see how Krakoa is so hardcore. (Though I still want to know how Cyclops lost his powers earlier…)

The end of Chapter Four! Krakoa, the Island That Walks Like a Man, is here to kick ass. Yay! And despite the rushed exposition explaining what the hell is going on here, it’s still pretty cool. And yay for Charlie fighting from halfway around the world! Good stuff. I mean, Storm electrically charges Polaris to enhance her powers. It’s just cool. Of course, it kind of backfires on them… alas. Still, Polaris causes the Earth to magnetically repel the entire island into space! How’s that for intelligent use of super powers! Good times.

Post-Mortem

Well, I’ll say this much, Giant Size X-Men #1 is fun to read, especially the second half. For all its gigantic plot holes (The X-Jet wasn’t propelled into space with the rest of the island? What exactly is the science behind Krakoa? And just how the hell did Charles get into and out of Soviet Russia without anyone noticing?), it’s a gloriously fun ride, which is just what the X-Men needed to become cool. Cockrum’s art really makes this issue for me; it’s just cool to look at. This issue is good fun.

A couple minor questions/slight complaints:
First, what the hell were Jean, Warren, and Kurt doing to fight that Krakoa? I mean, I can see just about everyone else either using their energy powers or beating on it or something, but what are these guys doing? Kurt’s not trained all that well yet, Angel just flies and stuff, and I never saw Marvel Girl do anything in the fight at all. Maybe I missed something. I hope so, as she is rather powerful (though not Phoenixified yet).

Second, I know this is because of spacing constraints, but I really would have liked more information about Krakoa and how it exists. Because it’s a badass concept, and thus, I want more about it.

Thirdly, Wolverine, Banshee, and Sunfire have training on using their powers, which is good, but the other four are total amateurs at this superheroing stuff. Should Charles have, I don’t know, TRAINED THEM before he sent them off to fight the mysterious pissed off mutant of unknown power that pretty easily beat all the original X-Men?

If Cyclops losses his powers because Krakoa drained them out of him (which is what we’re supposed to assume, it seems), wouldn’t that have made Angel’s wings descend into his body or something? I realize that Cyclops and Angel’s mutant talents are completely different in nature, but since Krakoa feeds off “mutant energy”, doesn’t it stand to reason that his wings would either shrivel up or fall off or something similar?

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, why add these particular mutants to the group? I can understand Banshee and Sunfire, since they’ve worked with them before, but why fly all the way to the Ukraine to go get Colossus, who just now discovered his powers, instead of some other mutant in New Jersey or something? He rescues Nightcrawler from a mob, so that makes sense enough, but seriously, Storm was helping people? Why did he need her? Hmm? It’s a rather glaring plot hole that, to the best of my knowledge, has never been filled in.

A grand opening for the New X-Men, and thus we carry over into the next issue.